Holy cow, it's been over a year since I posted, that's crazy! It has been a pretty busy year, which I will highlight later. For now, I want to give a full update on Jaxson. This will be a status on all of the specialties he sees. Some of the information will be the same as things are stable, while some will be new, like starting IVIG infusions for his immune system. So yes, this is going to be long, but you'll get a full picture of how Jaxson is doing right now.
Neurology/Neurosurgery: I group these together on purpose, they tend to bounce off of one another. Jaxson's spine and brain are stable. He has central sleep apnea, but we are not treating it at this time because he brings himself back. He still wakes up during the night, but he's finally staying in his bed for the most part. We are watching everything and will do scans and sleep studies as needed. His obstructive sleep apnea resolved with the removal of his tonsils and adenoids. We increased his iron supplement to 2.5mL twice a day in March, but by June his ferritin levels had decreased even with the increase in medication. So we doubled it to 5mL twice a day. He's due for a follow up, but I haven't scheduled it yet. I'm sure they will want to check his ferritin and other iron labs to see if there's any changes.
Craniofacial: Jaxson was initially supposed to have a VPD repair in April, but due to his heart valve and that they could not scope him that day because his INR was high and he'd already had a bloody nose, it was postponed until August. We went back in July so they could scope his nose to look at the gap in the back of his throat, and we decided to hold off on the procedure for now. The gap is actually smaller than anticipated (it changed after his tonsils and adenoids were removed last November). The air escaping through his nose does affect certain sounds with his speech, but we determined that the risks of the surgery outweigh the benefits. He's due for his annual craniofacial clinic visit, so I will be scheduling that soon.
Cardiology: Jaxson had a heart echo in June, which was stable from his December echo. The gradient on his valve is steady at 11, which is in the severe range, but his symptoms are mild. We will hold off on replacing the valve as long as humanly possible to allow him to grow so that a bigger valve can be placed. The hope is that he may only have to do this one more time, but I anticipate two by the time all is said and done. He still turns colors, he still sweats like crazy and he tires easily, but he's happy and the issues are relatively mild.
Pulmonary: All looks good from a lung stand point. We are continuing with his daily Asmanex to help control his reactive airway disease, especially after he contracted two respiratory viruses this spring. We go back in January for a follow up.
Physical Medicine: Nothing new to report here, I received a prescription for a handicapped placard for our vehicle since we do use Jaxson's wheelchair on occasion, but I haven't picked it up yet. He went to the zoo a few times this summer and the chair was an amazing help. It was also used for the Make-A-Wish walk in June and when Jayson took him to see a WWE NXT show. He tires very quickly, so having the chair has been huge in our ability to take him more places!
Nephrology/Urology/Colorectal: These all bounce off of each other. Jaxson has ultrasounds every 6 months on his kidneys and bladder. His kidney stones appear to be stable and the labs related to his kidneys are relatively stable as well. We did increase his potassium citrate this year to try and break up his kidney stones. It appears he may have a new one, but his kidney function is still ok. Urology referred us to the Colorectal clinic due to Jaxson's urinary incontinence. He had a contrast enema done in September which showed that his anatomy looks good, but they were uncertain if he also has bowel incontinence. They said that most patients with bladder incontinence also have bowel incontinence, so it's likely he has it. We started a new med to help control when he has his bowel movements in the hopes that we can get him to stool in the potty vs. his diaper. So far we haven't had any luck getting him trained, so at this point we're at a loss. Rather than use the bathroom, he will hold his stool if he thinks he's going to get in trouble for pooping in his diaper. We don't punish him, though, I just told him I really wanted to see him use the toilet. He keeps telling us he wants out of diapers, but he refuses to use the toilet. We have options for his bladder if we can get him pooping in the potty, but I really have no desire to do the Malone, which is basically a 45-60 minute flush. No way I want to try and keep him on the toilet for that long! We're due to go back this month, so we'll see if they have any ideas. Once we get his bowel squared away, we will likely do a procedure that allows us to cath him through a port instead of his pee pee, which I tried at home once and it was traumatic. Never again. This is likely to be a long process, but I really hope we can get him out of diapers sooner than later! GI is supposed to be part of the Colorectal clinic, so I plan on asking them about malabsorption as well. Increasing medications and having levels drop is really not normal, so I hope we can take a look at this since it's common with Kabuki.
Feeding: We are taking a different approach to feeding with Jaxson. He fights us on everything, and he deals with so many other things that we don't want to fight with him about it. So he gets tube feeds, which he prefers, and we have him eat as much regular food as we can. He still loves french fries, chips, cookies, applesauce and has started eating pancakes and chicken nuggets. I hope that some day we won't need that tube, but for now, it's a battle we choose not to fight.
Neuropsychology: Jax had an evaluation in September and I will get the results next week. One thing I can tell you is that Dr. Rabkin mentioned when we did an eval two years ago that we might have to add some type of intellectual disability to Jaxson's diagnosis list, but it's not something they thought was necessary at the time. He said that based on what he had received from Jaxson's school and just talking with him for a little bit, he doesn't think we will be adding that diagnosis! Cognitively, Jaxson is pretty sharp. He's a bit behind in things like writing and reading, but no intelligence deficit! I do think he will be getting an ADHD diagnosis and probably a med added for that, but I'll know for sure next week.
PT/OT/Speech: All stable here! Meeting his goals and working hard. We continue to do outpatient speech and we added outpatient OT, but we're keeping PT just at school as he's pretty mobile and probably doesn't need the extra help.
ENT/Vision/Hearing: Everything looks good here as well! He had about 6 ear infections this year, but he's been free of them for a month or so now. Vision and hearing are both stable.
Immunology: This is the one with the big update. Jaxson had a bunch of labs done in August and I finally spoke with the doctor a few days ago. Jax saw a good increase in several areas after he got the Pneumovax in 2017. His 2018 labs all looked decent, like he might be growing out of some things, which can happen. But Jaxson being Jaxson, he dipped again. Dr. Lindsley said that he's never seen a kid's IgG jump up the way his did (by 300 points) and then plummet back down to below normal. He said that Jax isn't even doing typical Kabuki stuff for the most part, some of it is, like his B Cell response has dipped which can happen with Kabuki, but some of the other things aren't typical. He's lost his response to tetanus and candida and his flu antibodies were lower than they have been as well. So Jax got his flu shot today at dermatology and he will start the dreaded IVIG infusions next week. We will drive to Cincinnati for 2-3 infusions and then transition to subcutaneous infusions at home. These infusions take about 4 hours, and the first few will come with labs to see how he responds. He will get the first few every 3 weeks, but I honestly cannot remember the home schedule once we get there. I do not look forward to spending all day at Cincinnati where I will have to keep Jaxson AND Skylar entertained, but I will do whatever it takes to keep Jaxson healthy. Dr. Lindsley said that it was up to us if we started these now or waited to see how Jax does this winter with illnesses, and we opted to do it now largely because of his heart. There's already stress on his heart because we are nearing the time to replace his valve, and as I stated above, we will wait until it's absolutely necessary to do his next heart surgery. So in the meantime, we want to keep Jaxson as protected as possible. When we first discovered his heart problem, we ended up having to wait MONTHS for surgery because he couldn't get healthy, and I do not want a repeat of that.
Dermatology: I hoped we wouldn't have to return to Dermatology, which we saw when Jaxson had a rash last year. He was ultimately diagnosed with perioroficial dermatitis and was put on a 3 month round of erythromycin to get rid of it. Well, it looks like it's back. This is the same time last year he got it. The doctor gave us a gel to put on his face should the rash return, but it wasn't responding. In fact, it's gotten worse. So we took him back yesterday and they said he didn't need an antibiotic yet. We got a new gel to try on his face and hope to see improvement in 2-3 weeks, although it could take 2-3 months to clear up completely. We also have to keep an eye on his skin when he's taking a bath or out in the heat because he broke out in hives during his bath yesterday. His skin is so incredibly sensitive, and he's so fair that it doesn't take much to affect it. If he continues with hives, we will probably have to put him on a daily antihistamine but for now we just watch. They were also nice enough to send an exfoliating moisturizer to the pharmacy for the KP on his arms and thighs. Unless something changes, we follow up in one year.
That's all for Jaxson. He's always got a ton going on and I have no idea how I keep up with it.
As for the rest of us, Jayson started a new job this week and I found a job working from home as well, so we're hopeful that finances won't be so stressful going forward. Jeffrey is doing amazing in school, I'm beyond proud of him for being able to function without any ADHD meds. He came home with all A's and 2 B's on his mid-term progress report! I know it's mostly review right now, but Jayson and I are so proud of him and gave him some nice incentives to keep it that way. I hope to get Skylar to the walk-in clinic this week, but if not she has an appt next week. She's been vomiting a lot, and by a lot I mean that if we aren't going anywhere, I don't put clothes on her because they just end up drenched. When we go places, I bring two backup outfits, even if we're only going to be gone a short time. She's arching, she refuses to sleep during the day unless I hold her on my shoulder, although she has a cool chair that allows her to sleep sitting up now too which is nice. She won't take more than 4oz per bottle, and sometimes she doesn't even take that so I know they are going to get on me about her weight. She looks fine to me, just petite like her mama, but you know doctors and their charts. *eye roll* But hopefully we can figure it out soon because when I sent a MyChart message, they said that now it doesn't sound like typical baby reflux. Maybe if they had given me a med for her when I asked for it in August, we wouldn't have gotten to this point! Anyway, other than that, she's beautiful and perfect and super attached to her mama.
I will try to do better with updating the blog and Jaxson's FB page from now on! It's been slightly crazy here, but I think I'm getting a handle on things finally. Have an amazing weekend!
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's how you cope with it that makes the difference." ~Anonymous
Friday, October 4, 2019
Thursday, September 13, 2018
Kelvin Moon Loh's Reaction to Autistic Child's Outburst During Performance Needs to Go Viral
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| Jax and I at the park. |
Yesterday, a friend of mine shared a post written by Broadway actor Kelvin Moon Loh. He's part of the cast of The King and I tour, which just ended in August. My mom and I went to see it this year when they were in Columbus, and it was a fabulous performance!
Apparently, at one of their shows in February 2016, there was an autistic child in the audience. During the whipping scene, which could make a "typical" kid cry, the child shrieked. The audience grumbled. Mom had to remove her son from the theatre in order to calm him down. This is Kelvin's response to what happened that night. Please read it, I will not copy and paste the text to here due to copyright laws. But you need to read it in order to understand the rest of this post.
I'm not familiar with most Broadway actors despite loving the art. I'm just not good with names in this case, there are far too many people involved in these productions to keep track. That said, I now have a high level of respect for Kelvin Moon Loh. He came out in DEFENSE of this mom, put into words almost exactly what that mom would have been thinking. And if you check out his Facebook page, you'll see that he is STILL talking about inclusive theatre!
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| Jaxson performing at Cleveland 2018 |
makes me warm and fuzzy. Jaxson may not be autistic, but there are plenty of Kabuki kids who ARE autistic. And these are kids with a disorder named after Japanese theatre makeup. They love music, singing, dancing and most of them enjoy being on stage. If you've followed Jaxson at all, you know he LOVES to entertain. He will bust out in a song at any moment of the day, no matter what he's doing or who is around. When we were at the event in Cleveland, he wanted to be on stage and sing "karaoke" (I used my phone for music, he knows the words!) so I let him. And he wasn't the only one.
What people need to understand is that these kids have their own loves, their own desires and things they enjoy. We, as the human race, need to stop getting pissy because someone else's kid isn't acting the way we think they should. Or because they're disturbing a performance. Or making a scene in the grocery store. Or if they're being combative and require restraining. We, as a human race, need to understand that the kids (and sometimes adults) who act this way literally have no control over their behavior. They don't WANT to act like that, they WANT to enjoy themselves in whatever they are doing. They are PEOPLE.
I'll be honest, I didn't take Jaxson to the movie theatre until he was 5 because I was concerned about how he would do. I didn't want him to disturb other viewers, and I didn't want to have to leave because he was done and causing a scene. He's not autistic, but he has behaviors. So many special needs kids have sensory things going on, and certain things they see can trigger a negative reaction. Whether it be the whipping scene in The King and I, the bright lights at the grocery store, the sight of a needle for a blood draw, loud noises, or any other number of triggers. I never really thought of it as a fear, I thought of it as being considerate. But looking back, I see that it WAS fear. Fear of judgement, fear of things going poorly, fear of having to get in someone's face because of their reaction to my son. As I type this, I realize that some of those fears still exist. Jax doesn't have a lot of behaviors, but if it gets uncontrollable, it's extremely difficult to calm him down without removing him from the room.
So I ask you a couple of things today:
1. BE KIND! You don't know anyone esle's situation, you don't know what triggers their kids have (special needs or not), you don't know what amount of fear and anxiety they had to overcome just to show up at an event or function.
2. Be helpful, not judgmental. When you inevitably witness a meltdown or a mom struggling to calm her child down, don't judge! If you don't feel comfortable walking over and offering assistance (not all situations are good for this), just smile kindly and keep moving. Don't stare. Don't take photos or videos. Don't talk about the incident as you're walking past it. If you have kids with you, educate them on why staring isn't nice, that they wouldn't someone staring at them in the same situation.
3. SHARE KELVIN's STORY! Make his note viral. Make this blog viral. Bombard FB and Twitter with his letter. The more people who see it, the more people are likely to understand and accept.
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| Jax showing of his rockstar side. He belongs on stage!! |
I'll tell you one thing I've learned from this: I will no longer fear people's reactions. I will no longer worry about what others think of my son if he has a meltdown or has to be removed from a room. I will not let other people dictate what my son is and is not allowed to do. He's just like any other kid, with likes and dislikes, desires and goals. My confidence in bringing him to events has increased over the last few years anyway, but now it's time to put the rest of those fears to bed.
Remember to stand up, and if you can't stand up, stand out! Be the relief that mom needs. Be understanding. Be loving. And most of all, be kind.
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's how you cope with it that makes the difference." -Unknown
Friday, August 17, 2018
When It Rains, It Pours, Part II
A couple of months ago I posted about Jaxson's heart rearing up and having to do some things with Neurosurgery. Since then, I've only been able to post on his Facebook page a few times, so I'm going to section everything out again.
Cardiology: After the 24-hour EKG, Jaxson was diagnosed with a wandering pacemaker and PVC's. A wandering pacemaker happens when the electrical signal that tells the heart to beat fires from the bottom of the atria instead of the top. PVC's are early heartbeats. While these are things to monitor, they are not putting stress on Jaxson's heart. Good news.
Urology: Jaxson's urodynamics test showed that his bladder is smaller than anticipated and it spasms early. The imaging ordered by neurosurgery did not match his bladder issues, so we are going to see them in September. We are going to discuss medication to help his bladder calm down so that he can be potty trained and not have to wear a diaper all the time. One of the side effects of these meds can be retention, meaning he won't void his bladder completely. So I will have to learn to cath him in case that ever happens. Not looking forward to that.
Neurosurgery: Jaxson was finally presented at their conference and the plan has not changed. Because imaging does not match his symptoms, they don't want to do anything yet. I'm totally fine with that. They do, however, want to monitor him closely. He will have a repeat sleep study in October, another spinal MRI and a cervical spine X-Ray done. Right now, the sleep study is scheduled after the NS appointment, but we're on the cancellation list and hopeful to get it done beforehand. Once that information is in, we'll see if anything changes.
Craniofacial: Jaxson had craniofacial clinic at the end of July. Everything looks good, except there is noticeable air leakage through his nose when he speaks. They discovered that he has a gap in the back of his throat, which is not uncommon for kids with a cleft palate or with Kabuki kids. Their solution is to have Jaxson's tonsils and adenoids removed. At least, that's the plan right now. A message was sent to ENT to have Jax come in to be assessed, but it looks like that's the direction for now.
Dermatology: I haven't posted many photos of Jax lately because he's got a nasty rash on his face. It began on May 31 and was finally diagnosed as perioroficial dermatitis by dermatology about 2 weeks ago. They put him on a 1-3 month round of antibiotics to clear it up, which of course is screwing with his Coumadin so I have to pay VERY close attention to his Vitamin K intake. Dr. Huston was nice enough to send me a list of the Vitamin K content for various foods so that I can continue making Jaxson's food. I just got that list on Friday, and I haven't had a chance to make food for him yet, so he's been on Pediasure for a couple of weeks. Drinking it, though, we're really trying not to go backwards here!
Speaking of going backwards, I just happened to think about him having surgery on his throat. I have no idea how he's going to react to eating after that. It's going to be a disaster. Maybe not, he might surprise me. This morning he told me he wanted cereal and applesauce for breakfast! We didn't have applesauce, but I made him multigrain cereal with his Pediasure so he still got what he needed AND got to eat. So it's definitely possible he could surprise me and want food, I guess I'm just not holding my breath.
I think the biggest difficulty with all of this is that Jaxson has to go in 3 days early for ANY surgery. Because his mechanical valve is the mitral valve, which is the smallest valve in the heart, cardiology will want him to come in early to be put on a heparin drip instead of bridging with lovenox shots. Honestly, I'd rather not give him the shots anyway because I hate doing it, but having a mostly healthy 6 year old in the hospital for 3 days sounds exhausting. And then there's the recovery process, which includes switching back to Coumadin from heparin. Last time we did that was right after his valve was placed, and his INR shot up to 9, which means his blood was extremely thin. It kept him in the ICU because it's so dangerous. Jean, who manages Jaxson's INR, thinks it was a dosing issue, but my sister had the same issue when she was pregnant with her daughter. Last time the INR kept Jax in the hospital an extra week, so I'm very nervous about this one. I pray Jean is right and she can control the dosing so that we don't have that issue, but it's a very real concern.
This summer has been crazy with appointments and unknowns. Right now, there's nothing I can do bu make sure Jaxson gets to his appointments so that the doctors can gather all of the information they need to make a plan. Trying not to think about the "what ifs" is hard, so I mostly try not to think about it at all, which I know is not the most healthy way to approach this. I was really hoping I could get a part-time job this fall, and it's possible that I still can once we get a plan in place, but this being in limbo is killer. We were so excited about the prospect of having additional money coming in, so hopeful that we would be able to finally get out of having to alternate which bills to pay and just be able to stay on top of things, that this is devastating.
On a final note, a petition has been started for children with rare diseases and genetic conditions. It was started by the founder of All Things Kabuki, and it is designed to get the attention of the leaders in Washington to take notice. There is only ONE Kabuki clinic in the entire US. It's in Boston. Travel arrangements are hard enough, but there are organizations out there which can help. The problem is that once you get there, no one will cover the medical part. Shouldn't our kids be allowed to visit a specialty clinic, even in another state, to ensure they are getting the proper care designed by the experts in the syndrome? There's no reason for our kids to suffer through Medicaid wanting to "exhaust all local resources" before allowing anything else to be done. It's not only a waste of everyone's time, but Medicaid is actually losing money on these kids because the specialists they are referred to aren't familiar with the syndrome, and therefore no one is comfortable making a decision because they don't want to be wrong. There are Kabuki kids who have suffered for YEARS without getting the help they need because we can't afford to take them where they deserve to go. Please, this doesn't cost you a thing, just a moment of your time. Please sign this petition so all children with rare and genetic conditions can get the care they so desperately need and deserve!
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/rare-disease-and-medically-complex-children-need-access-quality-specialty-clinics
As always, thank you for your continued prayers and support! I know very well how much more difficult this would be if we didn't have those things.
~"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's how you cope with it that makes the difference." -unknown
Cardiology: After the 24-hour EKG, Jaxson was diagnosed with a wandering pacemaker and PVC's. A wandering pacemaker happens when the electrical signal that tells the heart to beat fires from the bottom of the atria instead of the top. PVC's are early heartbeats. While these are things to monitor, they are not putting stress on Jaxson's heart. Good news.
Urology: Jaxson's urodynamics test showed that his bladder is smaller than anticipated and it spasms early. The imaging ordered by neurosurgery did not match his bladder issues, so we are going to see them in September. We are going to discuss medication to help his bladder calm down so that he can be potty trained and not have to wear a diaper all the time. One of the side effects of these meds can be retention, meaning he won't void his bladder completely. So I will have to learn to cath him in case that ever happens. Not looking forward to that.
Neurosurgery: Jaxson was finally presented at their conference and the plan has not changed. Because imaging does not match his symptoms, they don't want to do anything yet. I'm totally fine with that. They do, however, want to monitor him closely. He will have a repeat sleep study in October, another spinal MRI and a cervical spine X-Ray done. Right now, the sleep study is scheduled after the NS appointment, but we're on the cancellation list and hopeful to get it done beforehand. Once that information is in, we'll see if anything changes.
Craniofacial: Jaxson had craniofacial clinic at the end of July. Everything looks good, except there is noticeable air leakage through his nose when he speaks. They discovered that he has a gap in the back of his throat, which is not uncommon for kids with a cleft palate or with Kabuki kids. Their solution is to have Jaxson's tonsils and adenoids removed. At least, that's the plan right now. A message was sent to ENT to have Jax come in to be assessed, but it looks like that's the direction for now.
Dermatology: I haven't posted many photos of Jax lately because he's got a nasty rash on his face. It began on May 31 and was finally diagnosed as perioroficial dermatitis by dermatology about 2 weeks ago. They put him on a 1-3 month round of antibiotics to clear it up, which of course is screwing with his Coumadin so I have to pay VERY close attention to his Vitamin K intake. Dr. Huston was nice enough to send me a list of the Vitamin K content for various foods so that I can continue making Jaxson's food. I just got that list on Friday, and I haven't had a chance to make food for him yet, so he's been on Pediasure for a couple of weeks. Drinking it, though, we're really trying not to go backwards here!
Speaking of going backwards, I just happened to think about him having surgery on his throat. I have no idea how he's going to react to eating after that. It's going to be a disaster. Maybe not, he might surprise me. This morning he told me he wanted cereal and applesauce for breakfast! We didn't have applesauce, but I made him multigrain cereal with his Pediasure so he still got what he needed AND got to eat. So it's definitely possible he could surprise me and want food, I guess I'm just not holding my breath.
I think the biggest difficulty with all of this is that Jaxson has to go in 3 days early for ANY surgery. Because his mechanical valve is the mitral valve, which is the smallest valve in the heart, cardiology will want him to come in early to be put on a heparin drip instead of bridging with lovenox shots. Honestly, I'd rather not give him the shots anyway because I hate doing it, but having a mostly healthy 6 year old in the hospital for 3 days sounds exhausting. And then there's the recovery process, which includes switching back to Coumadin from heparin. Last time we did that was right after his valve was placed, and his INR shot up to 9, which means his blood was extremely thin. It kept him in the ICU because it's so dangerous. Jean, who manages Jaxson's INR, thinks it was a dosing issue, but my sister had the same issue when she was pregnant with her daughter. Last time the INR kept Jax in the hospital an extra week, so I'm very nervous about this one. I pray Jean is right and she can control the dosing so that we don't have that issue, but it's a very real concern.
This summer has been crazy with appointments and unknowns. Right now, there's nothing I can do bu make sure Jaxson gets to his appointments so that the doctors can gather all of the information they need to make a plan. Trying not to think about the "what ifs" is hard, so I mostly try not to think about it at all, which I know is not the most healthy way to approach this. I was really hoping I could get a part-time job this fall, and it's possible that I still can once we get a plan in place, but this being in limbo is killer. We were so excited about the prospect of having additional money coming in, so hopeful that we would be able to finally get out of having to alternate which bills to pay and just be able to stay on top of things, that this is devastating.
On a final note, a petition has been started for children with rare diseases and genetic conditions. It was started by the founder of All Things Kabuki, and it is designed to get the attention of the leaders in Washington to take notice. There is only ONE Kabuki clinic in the entire US. It's in Boston. Travel arrangements are hard enough, but there are organizations out there which can help. The problem is that once you get there, no one will cover the medical part. Shouldn't our kids be allowed to visit a specialty clinic, even in another state, to ensure they are getting the proper care designed by the experts in the syndrome? There's no reason for our kids to suffer through Medicaid wanting to "exhaust all local resources" before allowing anything else to be done. It's not only a waste of everyone's time, but Medicaid is actually losing money on these kids because the specialists they are referred to aren't familiar with the syndrome, and therefore no one is comfortable making a decision because they don't want to be wrong. There are Kabuki kids who have suffered for YEARS without getting the help they need because we can't afford to take them where they deserve to go. Please, this doesn't cost you a thing, just a moment of your time. Please sign this petition so all children with rare and genetic conditions can get the care they so desperately need and deserve!
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/rare-disease-and-medically-complex-children-need-access-quality-specialty-clinics
As always, thank you for your continued prayers and support! I know very well how much more difficult this would be if we didn't have those things.
~"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's how you cope with it that makes the difference." -unknown
Friday, June 15, 2018
When It Rains, It Pours
I decided to write a blog today to give a good update on Jaxson. May was such a busy month, I think we had a total of two week days without an appointment or event of some kind, and many days had more than one item on the agenda. I will admit, though, that through May, there wasn't much to update you on. Jax was doing great, eating well, doing fabulous in school and just being his normal, happy self. The only thing that changed in May was that Jax started changing colors almost daily. He would alternate between turning purple/blue around his lips to losing all of his color completely and his skin would be clammy even in the 80 degree sun. Which brings me to my first update:
Cardiology. Jaxson was originally scheduled for his heart echo on 7/20, but because of the symptoms he was presenting, I called and they requested he come in the next day. That always puts me on high alert, when they want to see him so soon and squeeze him into the schedule. The good news that came from this appointment is that his valve looks great! His gradient is down from his last echo, and based on his other previous results, the hope is that his last gradient (14) is a one-off since his current gradient is 8. A number of things could have caused it to appear higher than it was. So no valve replacement yet, which is a relief! But it also means we had no explanation for the color changes and such, so they told me to take his temperature when it happens and see if he's running a fever. Jax doesn't typically run a fever unless he's really sick, so I'm not anticipating that changing. Still, I'll do what they tell me haha. The second portion of the appointment did not go so well. Jaxson has some irregularities on his EKG. First, he has two superior vena cava's, the part of the heart where de-oxygenated blood flows in to the atria. This is not a defect, it is considered a normal variant, but I was unaware of it until last week. Second, he has a premature ventricular contraction (PVC), which is basically an extra heartbeat. Because he hasn't had this before, I'm not sure what it means. My sister and my grandfather both have this as well, it was benign for them. I'm just not sure if it's something that would have always been present or if it can show up at any time, so I will mention it to the doctor the next time we talk. Third, Jaxson has irregular P-waves. That's the first little bump on the EKG before the tall one. Sometimes that little bump goes up like it's supposed to and sometimes it goes down, but it's inconsistent. So we left cardiology on Friday with a 24-hour EKG monitor which I sent back this week. This should clarify some things for them and I will get a call in a couple of weeks with the results. Honestly, I can't even do research on it at this point. The heart is incredibly complicated, and researching any irregularities can be depressing and scary. I plan to wait until they call me with the results before I do any crazy research, but I do know that this could be something within the chamber. What that means, I don't know yet. I'm trying not to spend too much time considering what it could mean. Looking at his overall EKG, I can see a lot of differences between his beats and I get the feeling that something is going on, I just don't know what. And it's possible that I'm wrong, maybe all of this is benign and Jaxson just wants to make me go gray at an early age!
Sleep Study: Jaxson had a neurosurgery appointment on Monday, which I'll get to next, but first I wanted to go over this part. I had them print out his sleep study for me since complex care never called me with the results. Jaxson has reduced sleep efficiency and snores about 85% of the night. He also had 7 episodes of central sleep apnea. It sounds scary, but his oxygen saturation never dipped below 90% during the episodes, so right now we are just monitoring it. If that would change, it's possible he would require a CPAP machine, which I imagine will make getting him to sleep more difficult.
Neurosurgery: Because of the sleep apnea, the fact that he hasn't had imaging in 2 years, he's been tripping and falling a lot more lately and his extreme sensitivity to small things, we are doing a sedated full brain and spine MRI. It is not scheduled yet, but it should happen in the next month. They'll look at his Chiari to see if it has changed as that could be the cause of his sleep apnea as well as balance problems. He's having a urodynamics study on 7/2 which will tell us more about his bladder function and control since we're having so much trouble getting him potty trained. We want to make sure we aren't fighting an uphill battle with incontinence, and if he is incontinent, it could be related to his tethered cord. Thankfully, since it's just sedation and no risk of bleeding, I won't have to bridge his Coumadin with Lovenox for the procedure.
Best for last, Make-A-Wish: I got word last week that Jaxson was approved for Make-A-Wish! I am beyond excited and elated at the prospect of Jax getting to have whatever he wants. Right now, it's a toss-up if he's going to pick something Shinedown related or WWE related! We will have a Wish Discovery Meeting this fall to sign the necessary paperwork and that's when Jax will tell them what he wants. We'll be working on honing it down until then!
I think that's all for now, and I think that's definitely enough. It's so hard to tell the doctors everything that I think is going on with him when most of the time he is a pretty typical almost-6 year old. He loves to be outside and play with other kids, he constantly bangs on anything he can like he's playing the drums and now says he wants to learn to play the guitar and take singing lessons! If you saw him on the street, you'd totally call me crazy for thinking there's anything at all going on with this kid, but I guess that's why I'm his mom. I know him better than anyone, and even if the MRI shows nothing and the EKG comes back with nothing, I'll know I did the right thing because it COULD be something. I told my family, if something is going to go wrong, can't it be something we already know about? All of this new stuff with his heart is killing me. I had a feeling he'd have to have more spine surgery as he grew, but I was beginning to be hopeful that I was wrong. I still could be, and I pray that everything comes back clear, but this is Jaxson we're talking about! We've gone 30 months without him being cut open, a streak I'd like to continue. It will be a few weeks before I have the results of any of his tests, so please be patient as I am waiting too. And please, please pray.
With that, I'm done. I want to thank each and every one of you, especially if you made it this far, for being such an amazing support system for our family. We truly could not do this without the love and support of all of our family, friends, and strangers across the globe who consistently pull for our boy. We love you! <3
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's how you cope with it that makes the difference." ~Anonymous
Cardiology. Jaxson was originally scheduled for his heart echo on 7/20, but because of the symptoms he was presenting, I called and they requested he come in the next day. That always puts me on high alert, when they want to see him so soon and squeeze him into the schedule. The good news that came from this appointment is that his valve looks great! His gradient is down from his last echo, and based on his other previous results, the hope is that his last gradient (14) is a one-off since his current gradient is 8. A number of things could have caused it to appear higher than it was. So no valve replacement yet, which is a relief! But it also means we had no explanation for the color changes and such, so they told me to take his temperature when it happens and see if he's running a fever. Jax doesn't typically run a fever unless he's really sick, so I'm not anticipating that changing. Still, I'll do what they tell me haha. The second portion of the appointment did not go so well. Jaxson has some irregularities on his EKG. First, he has two superior vena cava's, the part of the heart where de-oxygenated blood flows in to the atria. This is not a defect, it is considered a normal variant, but I was unaware of it until last week. Second, he has a premature ventricular contraction (PVC), which is basically an extra heartbeat. Because he hasn't had this before, I'm not sure what it means. My sister and my grandfather both have this as well, it was benign for them. I'm just not sure if it's something that would have always been present or if it can show up at any time, so I will mention it to the doctor the next time we talk. Third, Jaxson has irregular P-waves. That's the first little bump on the EKG before the tall one. Sometimes that little bump goes up like it's supposed to and sometimes it goes down, but it's inconsistent. So we left cardiology on Friday with a 24-hour EKG monitor which I sent back this week. This should clarify some things for them and I will get a call in a couple of weeks with the results. Honestly, I can't even do research on it at this point. The heart is incredibly complicated, and researching any irregularities can be depressing and scary. I plan to wait until they call me with the results before I do any crazy research, but I do know that this could be something within the chamber. What that means, I don't know yet. I'm trying not to spend too much time considering what it could mean. Looking at his overall EKG, I can see a lot of differences between his beats and I get the feeling that something is going on, I just don't know what. And it's possible that I'm wrong, maybe all of this is benign and Jaxson just wants to make me go gray at an early age!
Sleep Study: Jaxson had a neurosurgery appointment on Monday, which I'll get to next, but first I wanted to go over this part. I had them print out his sleep study for me since complex care never called me with the results. Jaxson has reduced sleep efficiency and snores about 85% of the night. He also had 7 episodes of central sleep apnea. It sounds scary, but his oxygen saturation never dipped below 90% during the episodes, so right now we are just monitoring it. If that would change, it's possible he would require a CPAP machine, which I imagine will make getting him to sleep more difficult.
Neurosurgery: Because of the sleep apnea, the fact that he hasn't had imaging in 2 years, he's been tripping and falling a lot more lately and his extreme sensitivity to small things, we are doing a sedated full brain and spine MRI. It is not scheduled yet, but it should happen in the next month. They'll look at his Chiari to see if it has changed as that could be the cause of his sleep apnea as well as balance problems. He's having a urodynamics study on 7/2 which will tell us more about his bladder function and control since we're having so much trouble getting him potty trained. We want to make sure we aren't fighting an uphill battle with incontinence, and if he is incontinent, it could be related to his tethered cord. Thankfully, since it's just sedation and no risk of bleeding, I won't have to bridge his Coumadin with Lovenox for the procedure.
Best for last, Make-A-Wish: I got word last week that Jaxson was approved for Make-A-Wish! I am beyond excited and elated at the prospect of Jax getting to have whatever he wants. Right now, it's a toss-up if he's going to pick something Shinedown related or WWE related! We will have a Wish Discovery Meeting this fall to sign the necessary paperwork and that's when Jax will tell them what he wants. We'll be working on honing it down until then!
I think that's all for now, and I think that's definitely enough. It's so hard to tell the doctors everything that I think is going on with him when most of the time he is a pretty typical almost-6 year old. He loves to be outside and play with other kids, he constantly bangs on anything he can like he's playing the drums and now says he wants to learn to play the guitar and take singing lessons! If you saw him on the street, you'd totally call me crazy for thinking there's anything at all going on with this kid, but I guess that's why I'm his mom. I know him better than anyone, and even if the MRI shows nothing and the EKG comes back with nothing, I'll know I did the right thing because it COULD be something. I told my family, if something is going to go wrong, can't it be something we already know about? All of this new stuff with his heart is killing me. I had a feeling he'd have to have more spine surgery as he grew, but I was beginning to be hopeful that I was wrong. I still could be, and I pray that everything comes back clear, but this is Jaxson we're talking about! We've gone 30 months without him being cut open, a streak I'd like to continue. It will be a few weeks before I have the results of any of his tests, so please be patient as I am waiting too. And please, please pray.
With that, I'm done. I want to thank each and every one of you, especially if you made it this far, for being such an amazing support system for our family. We truly could not do this without the love and support of all of our family, friends, and strangers across the globe who consistently pull for our boy. We love you! <3
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's how you cope with it that makes the difference." ~Anonymous
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
When Did Life Get So Busy?
It's been a little over a month since my last blog post for Jaxson. Normally, it doesn't bother me because a lot of his updates go on his Facebook page. But I think it's been a week or more since I even posted there! It's not for lack of things to post, either, there's plenty of Jaxson updates. But suddenly, life has gotten VERY busy! So, here's what you've been missing :)
If you didn't see the heart update from January, Jaxson's gradient on his mitral valve is at 13. Severe is at 10, so he's already past that. However, because he's asymptomatic, nothing is being scheduled at this time. I kindly wrote to his cardiologist to remind her that when we initially found Jaxson's mitral stenosis, he wasn't having symptoms. We only found it because he was re-admitted 2 days after he was discharged with pneumonia and couldn't kick it, which is when I requested an echo. Jaxson is so pale, color changes are not the best indicator of his heart unless he turns seriously blue. He's never done that, except in extreme cases of illness, so I have to look at other things. Does he get short of breath when he exercises or plays? Sometimes, but it's minimal. He sweats like a grown man, but apparently no one thinks it's due to something in their respective specialty. So, for now, we are scheduled to go back in July for another echo to see where he is.
Earlier in February, Jaxson saw complex care and the sleep doctor. He's in the 10th percentile for weight, but still way down on the height chart. From when we saw the sleep doctor in June until February, he grew 2 inches and gained 10 pounds! This, I believe, is largely in part to the feeding therapy we've added. Most days he gets extra calories, unless I can get him to take enough food to eliminate a bottle of Pediasure. So this is good news! I don't expect him to hit the charts for height, maybe ever, but that he's growing so much is definitely a positive sign! According to the sleep doctor, Jaxson's ferritin levels are still well below where they need to be. In June, he was at a 10. In January he was at 19. They want him at 50 or more! But I discovered that he isn't supposed to get his iron supplement with milk products, which I didn't know before, so I've adjusted when I give it to him. Since he's eating more by mouth, I just make sure he has a meal without any milk products and that's when he gets it. I'm hopeful we will see a bigger improvement in April/May when we recheck it.
Speaking of eating, holy cow! We have been uber-busy the last few weeks so getting meals in has been difficult, but we make it happen at least once a day. He's taking 4 ounces of puree and 2 ounces of Pediasure per sitting! If he doesn't get the Pediasure, he will take 5-6 ounces of puree. You guys, he is absolutely killing it! He still struggles with mixed textures, and if he takes too big of a bite of something more solid than a puree, he will throw up. So I'm pretty sure there's some very weak swallowing muscles and the coordination between chewing and swallowing can be hard for him. It's so interesting to do this with him, because for most of us, eating is like breathing. It's just something we know how to do and we don't think about all of the things that go into actually taking a bite. Jaw muscles need to work, your tongue is a muscle that requires a ton of coordination, and there are muscles along your throat and esophagus that have to work as well. There are a lot of moving parts to coordinate, and when you've been tube-fed your whole life plus have hypotonia (low muscle tone), eating is a big challenge. Seeing the progress he's made in just a few short months has been nothing short of amazing and I couldn't be more proud of how much he has accomplished! It gives me hope that one day he will be able to take all of his nutrition by mouth. Even if we leave the tube for meds, I don't care. As long as he's eating! I will say, though, that he does still prefer his tube. So while he's made a ton of progress, there is still a long way to go before it's gone.
Also in February, Jaxson saw audiology and the dentist. All good news at both appointments! Jaxson actually hears better than we initially thought, and this is something that's relatively normal for his age. He can actually participate in the games they play to test his hearing, which makes it so much easier for the audiologist to determine where he is. He can hear 2 out of the 4 frequencies in his right ear, so we've opted to trial that ear WITHOUT a hearing aid! He still needs the one for his left ear, and his hearing loss is sensorineural so it will never get better, but if he can get by with one then we'll take it! We can always add it back if we think he's not doing well enough, but the idea is to not damage what he CAN hear by using a hearing aid. So far, so good! At dental, Jaxson was a MODEL patient! I was in complete shock, I thought for sure I'd have to sit right next to him and hold his hands down. But the hygenist was fantastic, letting Jaxson feel everything on his hands before she put anything in his mouth. And even when he gagged (as he does every time I brush his teeth), he stayed put and didn't fight her. I attribute a lot of that to feeding therapy, because he gags a lot and we just keep going because he has to learn that that isn't a good reason to stop eating. Even if he throws up from gagging, I usually get him to eat at least a few more bites so he knows that he still has to do it. Anyway, he literally laid on the bed by himself while I sat on a chair a few feet away. No crying, no complaining, no biting, no nothing! And at the same time, Jeffrey went to have the seals on his teeth checked, but he had to go alone because I needed to stay with Jax. Jeffrey was amazing as well! He went, all by himself (a huge feat for him), with the dentist and was back before Jax was done. I was a super-proud mom that day!
This morning, Jax had PT and this afternoon he has OT followed by picking up Jeffrey and taking him to an appointment at 4. We got Jax set back up for bi-weekly OT, so no more flex scheduling thank goodness! Now, for school, Jax goes Monday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoons and every other Tuesday afternoon. I hope to add Friday next month to help him get prepared for going all day, every day next year.
Besides appointments, I've been running around to my own appointments, plus chaperoning events with Jeffrey's school and doing some freelance work for clients at home. When I'm home, that is! Last week, aside from Friday, I think I was home for maybe 5 hours in total during the day. It's just been crazy! Over the weekend, Jeffrey had a basketball tournament and Jaxson had the Conquer The Runway Heart Hero Fashion Show, which was so fun and the kids were all so cute! I will make an album on FB and post the video of Jaxson strutting his stuff. It was a really busy weekend, but fun!
I think that's it for now! OT this afternoon at 2, feeding therapy and INR check tomorrow, speech on Thursday and this weekend we are going out of town to visit family. At some point, I am sure I will have five minutes to sit down, but if not, I hope you all have a fabulous week! We are going to enjoy this warm up while it lasts, because we're in Ohio where the weather is schizophrenic and it can snow in April. But 70 degrees in February? We'll take it!
As always, thank you for taking the time to read this and follow Jaxson's journey with Kabuki syndrome. It's a never-ending battle with one thing or another, but it was so nice to write a positive blog about Jaxson. Have a blessed day!
If you didn't see the heart update from January, Jaxson's gradient on his mitral valve is at 13. Severe is at 10, so he's already past that. However, because he's asymptomatic, nothing is being scheduled at this time. I kindly wrote to his cardiologist to remind her that when we initially found Jaxson's mitral stenosis, he wasn't having symptoms. We only found it because he was re-admitted 2 days after he was discharged with pneumonia and couldn't kick it, which is when I requested an echo. Jaxson is so pale, color changes are not the best indicator of his heart unless he turns seriously blue. He's never done that, except in extreme cases of illness, so I have to look at other things. Does he get short of breath when he exercises or plays? Sometimes, but it's minimal. He sweats like a grown man, but apparently no one thinks it's due to something in their respective specialty. So, for now, we are scheduled to go back in July for another echo to see where he is.
Earlier in February, Jaxson saw complex care and the sleep doctor. He's in the 10th percentile for weight, but still way down on the height chart. From when we saw the sleep doctor in June until February, he grew 2 inches and gained 10 pounds! This, I believe, is largely in part to the feeding therapy we've added. Most days he gets extra calories, unless I can get him to take enough food to eliminate a bottle of Pediasure. So this is good news! I don't expect him to hit the charts for height, maybe ever, but that he's growing so much is definitely a positive sign! According to the sleep doctor, Jaxson's ferritin levels are still well below where they need to be. In June, he was at a 10. In January he was at 19. They want him at 50 or more! But I discovered that he isn't supposed to get his iron supplement with milk products, which I didn't know before, so I've adjusted when I give it to him. Since he's eating more by mouth, I just make sure he has a meal without any milk products and that's when he gets it. I'm hopeful we will see a bigger improvement in April/May when we recheck it.
Speaking of eating, holy cow! We have been uber-busy the last few weeks so getting meals in has been difficult, but we make it happen at least once a day. He's taking 4 ounces of puree and 2 ounces of Pediasure per sitting! If he doesn't get the Pediasure, he will take 5-6 ounces of puree. You guys, he is absolutely killing it! He still struggles with mixed textures, and if he takes too big of a bite of something more solid than a puree, he will throw up. So I'm pretty sure there's some very weak swallowing muscles and the coordination between chewing and swallowing can be hard for him. It's so interesting to do this with him, because for most of us, eating is like breathing. It's just something we know how to do and we don't think about all of the things that go into actually taking a bite. Jaw muscles need to work, your tongue is a muscle that requires a ton of coordination, and there are muscles along your throat and esophagus that have to work as well. There are a lot of moving parts to coordinate, and when you've been tube-fed your whole life plus have hypotonia (low muscle tone), eating is a big challenge. Seeing the progress he's made in just a few short months has been nothing short of amazing and I couldn't be more proud of how much he has accomplished! It gives me hope that one day he will be able to take all of his nutrition by mouth. Even if we leave the tube for meds, I don't care. As long as he's eating! I will say, though, that he does still prefer his tube. So while he's made a ton of progress, there is still a long way to go before it's gone.
Also in February, Jaxson saw audiology and the dentist. All good news at both appointments! Jaxson actually hears better than we initially thought, and this is something that's relatively normal for his age. He can actually participate in the games they play to test his hearing, which makes it so much easier for the audiologist to determine where he is. He can hear 2 out of the 4 frequencies in his right ear, so we've opted to trial that ear WITHOUT a hearing aid! He still needs the one for his left ear, and his hearing loss is sensorineural so it will never get better, but if he can get by with one then we'll take it! We can always add it back if we think he's not doing well enough, but the idea is to not damage what he CAN hear by using a hearing aid. So far, so good! At dental, Jaxson was a MODEL patient! I was in complete shock, I thought for sure I'd have to sit right next to him and hold his hands down. But the hygenist was fantastic, letting Jaxson feel everything on his hands before she put anything in his mouth. And even when he gagged (as he does every time I brush his teeth), he stayed put and didn't fight her. I attribute a lot of that to feeding therapy, because he gags a lot and we just keep going because he has to learn that that isn't a good reason to stop eating. Even if he throws up from gagging, I usually get him to eat at least a few more bites so he knows that he still has to do it. Anyway, he literally laid on the bed by himself while I sat on a chair a few feet away. No crying, no complaining, no biting, no nothing! And at the same time, Jeffrey went to have the seals on his teeth checked, but he had to go alone because I needed to stay with Jax. Jeffrey was amazing as well! He went, all by himself (a huge feat for him), with the dentist and was back before Jax was done. I was a super-proud mom that day!
This morning, Jax had PT and this afternoon he has OT followed by picking up Jeffrey and taking him to an appointment at 4. We got Jax set back up for bi-weekly OT, so no more flex scheduling thank goodness! Now, for school, Jax goes Monday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoons and every other Tuesday afternoon. I hope to add Friday next month to help him get prepared for going all day, every day next year.
Besides appointments, I've been running around to my own appointments, plus chaperoning events with Jeffrey's school and doing some freelance work for clients at home. When I'm home, that is! Last week, aside from Friday, I think I was home for maybe 5 hours in total during the day. It's just been crazy! Over the weekend, Jeffrey had a basketball tournament and Jaxson had the Conquer The Runway Heart Hero Fashion Show, which was so fun and the kids were all so cute! I will make an album on FB and post the video of Jaxson strutting his stuff. It was a really busy weekend, but fun!
I think that's it for now! OT this afternoon at 2, feeding therapy and INR check tomorrow, speech on Thursday and this weekend we are going out of town to visit family. At some point, I am sure I will have five minutes to sit down, but if not, I hope you all have a fabulous week! We are going to enjoy this warm up while it lasts, because we're in Ohio where the weather is schizophrenic and it can snow in April. But 70 degrees in February? We'll take it!
As always, thank you for taking the time to read this and follow Jaxson's journey with Kabuki syndrome. It's a never-ending battle with one thing or another, but it was so nice to write a positive blog about Jaxson. Have a blessed day!
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Jaxson's First "Normal" Holiday Season
Hello friends and family! It has been some time since I updated Facebook with what has been going on with Jaxson, and for that I apologize! Because there is a bit to update, I decided a blog would serve better than a super-long FB post. So here goes!
This holiday season held a few firsts for Jaxson! The first thing to tell you about is that Jaxson got to leave the house to see Santa this year! At 5.5, Jaxson has been too sick in previous years to take him out of the house. This year, with the recognition of his compromised immune system, Jax got a beastier pneumonia vaccine. The Pneumovax shot gave Jaxson nearly a four-fold increase on his pneumonia titers, meaning he has antibodies to help fight those viruses. He also got a boost from his flu shot for influenza A, and actually has flu antibodies this year! So we felt comfortable taking him out in public, and both boys had such fun! We went to a local mall that's likely on it's way to closing, and there were very few people there so we only had to wait for one customer before it was our turn. The boys talked with Santa and the photographer snapped pictures for about 10 minutes. We got 12 shots in all, but here are a few of my favorites!
The following Monday is when the boys got to go to Nationwide Children's to meet some of the Ohio State Buckeyes football players along with coach Meyer. That was a blast, I've never seen Jeffrey so excited for something! They had a blast there as well.
Christmas was amazing this year! We had some elves send some things, and after we opened gifts at home, we went to my parents for lunch and more gifts. It was a really nice day, no one argued much and we were able to relax and enjoy the day.
Then the weather kicked in. Cold wind chills, down to -25 at times, followed by a warm up with snowfall. Then it warmed up and melted, and now we've got another 6" on the ground here in Ohio. Another first for Jaxson came, because he's been so stable and done so well, Jaxson got to go outside and play in the snow for the first time ever! He wasn't too interested in touching it or getting down in the snow to play, but he totally enjoyed running around outside with his brother. Jeffrey likes to make snowballs and throw them at the tree, which Jaxson got a huge kick out of. It only lasted about 20 minutes because it was still pretty cold that day, but that he was able to even get out there is a huge blessing!
This last bit of information is fresh. Jaxson had an IEP review last week, and he's made so much progress in PT and speech that they almost discontinued his school therapies! They didn't because they want him to continue to build his foundation for kindergarten next year, but his time for both has been decreased. This speaks volumes to the amount of progress Jaxson has made over the last year! He's meeting PT and speech goals left and right. He is even meeting goals in OT, but that's his biggest delay so that's not going anywhere soon. But I am so pleased with the progress he has made, and we set everything up for him to stay at the same school next year. They have a few KG rooms, and they do everything on an inclusion basis. So Jaxson will spend most of his time in a regular classroom, but when they split into their stations, he can be pulled for therapies. I can't wait, I know he's going to do great!
Final piece of info is that Jax had his heart echo yesterday. His gradient rose from 10 to 13, and while I anticipated them telling us it was time for surgery, they aren't doing it yet. I'm not sure how comfortable I am with waiting 6 months for another echo, but if he only rose 3 points on the scale in this 6 months, then it should be similar over the next 6 months as long as his growth rate remains the same. We are watching him closely because he likes to lose his color and he's been complaining of being tired a lot, but it's also not stopping him from doing anything. Dr. Bowman says she doesn't think the fatigue is due to his heart, so I'll bring it up at the sleep clinic next month, and if no answers there then it will be a call to neurosurgery for head scans. But not jumping ahead too fast, right now Jaxson is happy and healthy, and that's how we like it!
So that's the update for Jax! Jeffrey has been going to behavioral health for the last couple of months to address his ADHD issues, plus he was diagnosed with generalized anxiety which didn't surprise me a bit. He's doing so well in school this year and he really likes his therapist, so I'm hopeful that he will get a handle on things and learn some coping skills. He also started playing basketball with the Junior Cavs League, which was nice enough to allow him to join even though the season already started. He had his first games on Sunday, where he didn't play much but enjoyed meeting his team, and his first practice is this Friday.
Meanwhile, I've started a freelancing business utilizing my 15 years of experience to assist businesses with web content, social media accounts and posting, and SEO management to boost traffic and increase sales. Plus I'm working on rebuilding the All Things Kabuki website with our new host, and I have high hopes that it will be far better than it was before!
Jayson is by far the rock that keeps this family together. He quietly goes to work every day, busts his butt to get his job done, then comes home and helps out around the house and plays with the boys. He works on our vehicles himself, fixes every little thing that goes wrong in this house, and really helps me stay on top of what needs done. He's a little cranky that he had to get glasses this year, but he's getting used to it and when he has them on, he no longer looks like he's 15 haha!
Overall, things at the Burks household are going well. There's always struggle, especially when mom (me) slides into depression or has anxiety rising up, but overall we're all doing well! I couldn't be happier to report such amazing things in our lives.
~"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's how you cope with it that makes the difference." (Anonymous)
This holiday season held a few firsts for Jaxson! The first thing to tell you about is that Jaxson got to leave the house to see Santa this year! At 5.5, Jaxson has been too sick in previous years to take him out of the house. This year, with the recognition of his compromised immune system, Jax got a beastier pneumonia vaccine. The Pneumovax shot gave Jaxson nearly a four-fold increase on his pneumonia titers, meaning he has antibodies to help fight those viruses. He also got a boost from his flu shot for influenza A, and actually has flu antibodies this year! So we felt comfortable taking him out in public, and both boys had such fun! We went to a local mall that's likely on it's way to closing, and there were very few people there so we only had to wait for one customer before it was our turn. The boys talked with Santa and the photographer snapped pictures for about 10 minutes. We got 12 shots in all, but here are a few of my favorites!
The following Monday is when the boys got to go to Nationwide Children's to meet some of the Ohio State Buckeyes football players along with coach Meyer. That was a blast, I've never seen Jeffrey so excited for something! They had a blast there as well.
Christmas was amazing this year! We had some elves send some things, and after we opened gifts at home, we went to my parents for lunch and more gifts. It was a really nice day, no one argued much and we were able to relax and enjoy the day.
Then the weather kicked in. Cold wind chills, down to -25 at times, followed by a warm up with snowfall. Then it warmed up and melted, and now we've got another 6" on the ground here in Ohio. Another first for Jaxson came, because he's been so stable and done so well, Jaxson got to go outside and play in the snow for the first time ever! He wasn't too interested in touching it or getting down in the snow to play, but he totally enjoyed running around outside with his brother. Jeffrey likes to make snowballs and throw them at the tree, which Jaxson got a huge kick out of. It only lasted about 20 minutes because it was still pretty cold that day, but that he was able to even get out there is a huge blessing!
This last bit of information is fresh. Jaxson had an IEP review last week, and he's made so much progress in PT and speech that they almost discontinued his school therapies! They didn't because they want him to continue to build his foundation for kindergarten next year, but his time for both has been decreased. This speaks volumes to the amount of progress Jaxson has made over the last year! He's meeting PT and speech goals left and right. He is even meeting goals in OT, but that's his biggest delay so that's not going anywhere soon. But I am so pleased with the progress he has made, and we set everything up for him to stay at the same school next year. They have a few KG rooms, and they do everything on an inclusion basis. So Jaxson will spend most of his time in a regular classroom, but when they split into their stations, he can be pulled for therapies. I can't wait, I know he's going to do great!
Final piece of info is that Jax had his heart echo yesterday. His gradient rose from 10 to 13, and while I anticipated them telling us it was time for surgery, they aren't doing it yet. I'm not sure how comfortable I am with waiting 6 months for another echo, but if he only rose 3 points on the scale in this 6 months, then it should be similar over the next 6 months as long as his growth rate remains the same. We are watching him closely because he likes to lose his color and he's been complaining of being tired a lot, but it's also not stopping him from doing anything. Dr. Bowman says she doesn't think the fatigue is due to his heart, so I'll bring it up at the sleep clinic next month, and if no answers there then it will be a call to neurosurgery for head scans. But not jumping ahead too fast, right now Jaxson is happy and healthy, and that's how we like it!
So that's the update for Jax! Jeffrey has been going to behavioral health for the last couple of months to address his ADHD issues, plus he was diagnosed with generalized anxiety which didn't surprise me a bit. He's doing so well in school this year and he really likes his therapist, so I'm hopeful that he will get a handle on things and learn some coping skills. He also started playing basketball with the Junior Cavs League, which was nice enough to allow him to join even though the season already started. He had his first games on Sunday, where he didn't play much but enjoyed meeting his team, and his first practice is this Friday.
Meanwhile, I've started a freelancing business utilizing my 15 years of experience to assist businesses with web content, social media accounts and posting, and SEO management to boost traffic and increase sales. Plus I'm working on rebuilding the All Things Kabuki website with our new host, and I have high hopes that it will be far better than it was before!
Jayson is by far the rock that keeps this family together. He quietly goes to work every day, busts his butt to get his job done, then comes home and helps out around the house and plays with the boys. He works on our vehicles himself, fixes every little thing that goes wrong in this house, and really helps me stay on top of what needs done. He's a little cranky that he had to get glasses this year, but he's getting used to it and when he has them on, he no longer looks like he's 15 haha!
Overall, things at the Burks household are going well. There's always struggle, especially when mom (me) slides into depression or has anxiety rising up, but overall we're all doing well! I couldn't be happier to report such amazing things in our lives.
~"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's how you cope with it that makes the difference." (Anonymous)
Monday, October 23, 2017
10/23/17: Kabuki Syndrome Awareness Day
Today is world wide Kabuki Syndrome Awareness Day! I know my Facebook and Instagram feeds have been green all month for Kabuki syndrome, but today I know I will see even more! Seeing everyone wearing green and supporting this rare disease warms my heart at the love and support we have in our community. A lot of people take the day to share their story with Kabuki, and I figured, why not? So, brace yourselves, Jaxson's story is complex, but worth reading every word!
When I was pregnant with Jaxson, there were early signs that there could be a problem. His quad screen came back at high risk for Trisomy 18, which would have been a fatal diagnosis. Extra ultrasounds were ordered, but there were no physical signs of T18 other than a heart defect that may or may not be related. We discovered this at 18 weeks, and I was told that if we wanted to terminate, I had until 20 weeks in Ohio. That was never an option. We didn't do an amniocentesis because I was concerned about our already fragile baby, and the new blood test they have wasn't covered by insurance, so we opted to wait and see. Later in the pregnancy, Jaxson wasn't growing. Or so they thought because his head was measuring small, and he wasn't moving around as much as Jeffrey had. Non-stress tests were done three times a week for the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy, until Jaxson decided he wanted to come early. That was a nightmare since we already knew he needed to go straight to the NICU at Nationwide Children's, and there were literally zero NICU beds anywhere in the city. If they couldn't stop me on 7/1/12, I would have been transported to Cincinnati to deliver. Thankfully, the labor was slowed down enough to be considered stopped and I was sent home. Three days later, we were back. This time I was already 4cm dilated and there was no stopping him. I arrived at the hospital at 1:30pm and Jaxson was delivered by C-section at 3:51pm on 7/4/12. I have never seen a hospital move so fast, at least not at that point.
They didn't raise Jaxson over the sheet for me to see him, but took him straight to the table for a once over. It felt like FOREVER before I finally heard his little cry. I sent my husband over to see him, even though he didn't want to leave my side. The neonatologist did exactly as I instructed him when we met the week before, he gave me the facts. As he told me the few things he saw off the bat, I just nodded with tears streaming down my face. I couldn't move from the drugs, so one of the nurses wiped my tears. My husband returned, but when I went to recovery, I instructed him to see to our family that was waiting. I still hadn't seen my baby. When I finally got back to my room, everyone was waiting. When they brought Jaxson by before he was transported, he was in an incubator and I was not allowed to hold him. I was so numb, I barely touched him. They gave me photos and took him away. I sent Jayson and my dad right behind them. I was stuck at the hospital for 2 days, dying inside knowing that no one was holding him, no one could comfort him the way I could. I was allowed to leave a day early because it was my second c-section and I proved that I was ready by moving around. They weren't going to keep me there any longer! My best friend's mom stayed with me and drove me straight to Jaxson. I still hadn't been home, hell, I hadn't seen Jeffrey in 2 days either.
If you've ever been in a NICU, you know how overwhelming it is to walk into the open bay. Machines beeping everywhere, lines in veins, lines in arteries, stickers on the heads and chests of babies, cannulas and respiratory devices, NG tubes and feeding pumps. Syringes, isolation clothing, incubators, tiny little babies literally on life support. It's definitely a shock to try and take it in, but the only thing I remember from that first visit is being able to see my baby, and then being told that I could hold him. They did not let anyone else pick him up until I could! The nurse helped me adjust all of the wires and I just sat there with him for hours. Until I had to leave, I did have another child after all. Jayson and I took turns going to see Jaxson over the next 6 weeks. We learned all of the things they found that would cause him problems in the future, including that he would need several major surgeries. We were hooked up with social workers who were amazing in handing over resources and helping us get things ready for home. But those first six weeks, those were so hard on everyone.
Fast forward a bit, Jaxson has regular PT, OT and speech therapies, regular specialist visits and has undergone 9 surgeries. He's 2.5 now, and after years of research and tests and countless doctors shrugging their shoulders, Jaxson received his diagnosis of Kabuki Syndrome. Excuse me, what was that? No, the doctor didn't sneeze. Kabuki syndrome is a rare genetic disorder, he did not inherit it from us, but it was a new mutation in his genes. At this moment, we should have been sent to immunology given the issues Kabuki can cause, but we weren't. And I didn't have time to even figure out that we needed to go, because around this same time, Jaxson contracted aspiration pneumonia after a routine MRI. Upon admission, one of the drs recommended that we get a heart echo because he hadn't had one for awhile, but it was the weekend and we figured we could do it outpatient. Two days after discharge, we were right back, the pneumonia wasn't going away. I requested the echo and that is when the extent of Jaxson's heart issue was discovered. He had severe mitral stenosis, so bad that they scheduled and did the surgery in 3 months. It almost didn't happen then because he had such a hard time fighting the pneumonia and it could have been dangerous, but I convinced the doctors (by threatening to take him elsewhere) to get it done. His first open heart surgery was in June 2015. We were told after the surgery that he would need a mechanical valve, but the doctor was hoping to give him more time to grow first. But Jaxson, as usual, had other ideas, and by September his numbers were back up. In December 2015, a cath was attempted, but caused a severe leak (which we knew was a risk), leading to emergency open-heart surgery the following day to have the mechanical valve placed. That surgery was at least seven agonizing hours, but I knew they had to be careful because Jaxson had coded in the CTICU twice that morning. Finally, the surgeon came out and let us know it was a success. Jaxson would be kept sedated and paralyzed for awhile to let his body recover, and he spent three weeks in the hospital that time. He made it home three days before Christmas.
It's been almost two years since then, and Jaxson has managed to mostly stay away from the hospital. Last year, though, he had the flue twice, RSV and pneumonia in a six month span, causing me to seek out an immunologist. Since we hadn't seen one yet, I opted to see a doctor in Cincinnati who specializes in Kabuki. Earlier this year, we learned that Jaxson indeed has a compromised immune system. He does not make any antibodies for the flu, so the flu shot is essential for his winter survival, and he only makes antibodies for 4 of the pneumonia viruses. He received the stronger pneumonia vaccine almost 2 weeks ago and we will have his numbers re-checked when we visit the doctor next month. But for now, Jaxson is seeing his regular therapists and specialists, and there are no surgeries planned. The last two years have seen Jaxson grow, and I mean actually grow to where he needs new clothes for once! The years have improved his speech one hundredfold, his fine and gross motor skills are catching up and he has emerged with his own vibrant personality that infects everyone he meets! He's happy, he loves life and he is a true joy. I would not change him or anything about him!
Some of you haven't followed Jaxson from the beginning, so I want to lay out his surgeries for you:
Feeding tube placement at 5 weeks
Craniovault Reconstruction (skull) at 4 months
Ear tubes placed
Tethered cord release at 8 months
Distraction surgery 1 (skull) 15 months
Distraction surgery 2 at 18 months
Cleft palate repair at 18 months (surgeries were not at the same time)
Ear tubes placed
Endoscopic Third Ventriculostomy (brain surgery) at 25 months
Open heart surgery at 35 months
Heart cath at 29 months
Mechanical Valve placement at 29 months
Keep in mind, that in between all of these, Jaxson likely spent some time inpatient with some sort of virus or illness. Until his heart was fixed, he couldn't fight anything. Now, while he still has a compromised immune system, he is bigger and has been able to fight off colds with a little extra help from breathing treatments. But if that's what it takes to keep him healthy, then that's exactly what we will do!
Kabuki Syndrome is not a fatal diagnosis, but there are issues it causes that can lead to a premature death. So far, Jaxson is living life as a happy 5 year old and I believe that he will continue to do so for a long time! We don't let possibilities dictate us or dictate what Jaxson is and isn't allowed to do. Sure, we have to be careful, he's going to be on a blood thinner for the rest of his life, but that doesn't mean that life stops or that we have to keep him in a bubble. No, he's a five year old boy who loves to play and be silly and dance and jump and run around like a chicken. He's so perfect, I couldn't imagine trying to keep him bottled up away from the rest of the world! The world needs his smile, it needs his laughter and it needs him to remind us that life is too short. Time to enjoy it while we can!
~"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's how you cope with it that makes the different." -Unknown
When I was pregnant with Jaxson, there were early signs that there could be a problem. His quad screen came back at high risk for Trisomy 18, which would have been a fatal diagnosis. Extra ultrasounds were ordered, but there were no physical signs of T18 other than a heart defect that may or may not be related. We discovered this at 18 weeks, and I was told that if we wanted to terminate, I had until 20 weeks in Ohio. That was never an option. We didn't do an amniocentesis because I was concerned about our already fragile baby, and the new blood test they have wasn't covered by insurance, so we opted to wait and see. Later in the pregnancy, Jaxson wasn't growing. Or so they thought because his head was measuring small, and he wasn't moving around as much as Jeffrey had. Non-stress tests were done three times a week for the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy, until Jaxson decided he wanted to come early. That was a nightmare since we already knew he needed to go straight to the NICU at Nationwide Children's, and there were literally zero NICU beds anywhere in the city. If they couldn't stop me on 7/1/12, I would have been transported to Cincinnati to deliver. Thankfully, the labor was slowed down enough to be considered stopped and I was sent home. Three days later, we were back. This time I was already 4cm dilated and there was no stopping him. I arrived at the hospital at 1:30pm and Jaxson was delivered by C-section at 3:51pm on 7/4/12. I have never seen a hospital move so fast, at least not at that point.
They didn't raise Jaxson over the sheet for me to see him, but took him straight to the table for a once over. It felt like FOREVER before I finally heard his little cry. I sent my husband over to see him, even though he didn't want to leave my side. The neonatologist did exactly as I instructed him when we met the week before, he gave me the facts. As he told me the few things he saw off the bat, I just nodded with tears streaming down my face. I couldn't move from the drugs, so one of the nurses wiped my tears. My husband returned, but when I went to recovery, I instructed him to see to our family that was waiting. I still hadn't seen my baby. When I finally got back to my room, everyone was waiting. When they brought Jaxson by before he was transported, he was in an incubator and I was not allowed to hold him. I was so numb, I barely touched him. They gave me photos and took him away. I sent Jayson and my dad right behind them. I was stuck at the hospital for 2 days, dying inside knowing that no one was holding him, no one could comfort him the way I could. I was allowed to leave a day early because it was my second c-section and I proved that I was ready by moving around. They weren't going to keep me there any longer! My best friend's mom stayed with me and drove me straight to Jaxson. I still hadn't been home, hell, I hadn't seen Jeffrey in 2 days either.
If you've ever been in a NICU, you know how overwhelming it is to walk into the open bay. Machines beeping everywhere, lines in veins, lines in arteries, stickers on the heads and chests of babies, cannulas and respiratory devices, NG tubes and feeding pumps. Syringes, isolation clothing, incubators, tiny little babies literally on life support. It's definitely a shock to try and take it in, but the only thing I remember from that first visit is being able to see my baby, and then being told that I could hold him. They did not let anyone else pick him up until I could! The nurse helped me adjust all of the wires and I just sat there with him for hours. Until I had to leave, I did have another child after all. Jayson and I took turns going to see Jaxson over the next 6 weeks. We learned all of the things they found that would cause him problems in the future, including that he would need several major surgeries. We were hooked up with social workers who were amazing in handing over resources and helping us get things ready for home. But those first six weeks, those were so hard on everyone.
Fast forward a bit, Jaxson has regular PT, OT and speech therapies, regular specialist visits and has undergone 9 surgeries. He's 2.5 now, and after years of research and tests and countless doctors shrugging their shoulders, Jaxson received his diagnosis of Kabuki Syndrome. Excuse me, what was that? No, the doctor didn't sneeze. Kabuki syndrome is a rare genetic disorder, he did not inherit it from us, but it was a new mutation in his genes. At this moment, we should have been sent to immunology given the issues Kabuki can cause, but we weren't. And I didn't have time to even figure out that we needed to go, because around this same time, Jaxson contracted aspiration pneumonia after a routine MRI. Upon admission, one of the drs recommended that we get a heart echo because he hadn't had one for awhile, but it was the weekend and we figured we could do it outpatient. Two days after discharge, we were right back, the pneumonia wasn't going away. I requested the echo and that is when the extent of Jaxson's heart issue was discovered. He had severe mitral stenosis, so bad that they scheduled and did the surgery in 3 months. It almost didn't happen then because he had such a hard time fighting the pneumonia and it could have been dangerous, but I convinced the doctors (by threatening to take him elsewhere) to get it done. His first open heart surgery was in June 2015. We were told after the surgery that he would need a mechanical valve, but the doctor was hoping to give him more time to grow first. But Jaxson, as usual, had other ideas, and by September his numbers were back up. In December 2015, a cath was attempted, but caused a severe leak (which we knew was a risk), leading to emergency open-heart surgery the following day to have the mechanical valve placed. That surgery was at least seven agonizing hours, but I knew they had to be careful because Jaxson had coded in the CTICU twice that morning. Finally, the surgeon came out and let us know it was a success. Jaxson would be kept sedated and paralyzed for awhile to let his body recover, and he spent three weeks in the hospital that time. He made it home three days before Christmas.
It's been almost two years since then, and Jaxson has managed to mostly stay away from the hospital. Last year, though, he had the flue twice, RSV and pneumonia in a six month span, causing me to seek out an immunologist. Since we hadn't seen one yet, I opted to see a doctor in Cincinnati who specializes in Kabuki. Earlier this year, we learned that Jaxson indeed has a compromised immune system. He does not make any antibodies for the flu, so the flu shot is essential for his winter survival, and he only makes antibodies for 4 of the pneumonia viruses. He received the stronger pneumonia vaccine almost 2 weeks ago and we will have his numbers re-checked when we visit the doctor next month. But for now, Jaxson is seeing his regular therapists and specialists, and there are no surgeries planned. The last two years have seen Jaxson grow, and I mean actually grow to where he needs new clothes for once! The years have improved his speech one hundredfold, his fine and gross motor skills are catching up and he has emerged with his own vibrant personality that infects everyone he meets! He's happy, he loves life and he is a true joy. I would not change him or anything about him!
Some of you haven't followed Jaxson from the beginning, so I want to lay out his surgeries for you:
Feeding tube placement at 5 weeks
Craniovault Reconstruction (skull) at 4 months
Ear tubes placed
Tethered cord release at 8 months
Distraction surgery 1 (skull) 15 months
Distraction surgery 2 at 18 months
Cleft palate repair at 18 months (surgeries were not at the same time)
Ear tubes placed
Endoscopic Third Ventriculostomy (brain surgery) at 25 months
Open heart surgery at 35 months
Heart cath at 29 months
Mechanical Valve placement at 29 months
Keep in mind, that in between all of these, Jaxson likely spent some time inpatient with some sort of virus or illness. Until his heart was fixed, he couldn't fight anything. Now, while he still has a compromised immune system, he is bigger and has been able to fight off colds with a little extra help from breathing treatments. But if that's what it takes to keep him healthy, then that's exactly what we will do!
Kabuki Syndrome is not a fatal diagnosis, but there are issues it causes that can lead to a premature death. So far, Jaxson is living life as a happy 5 year old and I believe that he will continue to do so for a long time! We don't let possibilities dictate us or dictate what Jaxson is and isn't allowed to do. Sure, we have to be careful, he's going to be on a blood thinner for the rest of his life, but that doesn't mean that life stops or that we have to keep him in a bubble. No, he's a five year old boy who loves to play and be silly and dance and jump and run around like a chicken. He's so perfect, I couldn't imagine trying to keep him bottled up away from the rest of the world! The world needs his smile, it needs his laughter and it needs him to remind us that life is too short. Time to enjoy it while we can!
~"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's how you cope with it that makes the different." -Unknown
Thursday, September 28, 2017
Marveling at Jaxson, My Medical Miracle
So today I was digging around FB looking for a picture to show a friend. I never found it, but that's not what this is about. I came across photos on both of my sister's FB pages of Jax during some of his most difficult times. Right after he was born. When he was sedated and paralyzed after his mechanical valve was placed. Photos from when he had pins in his head for skull distraction. All things that bring tears to my eyes!
Remembering those moments is a hard, harsh reminder of everything that Jaxson has been through, and everything that he has yet to endure. But it is also a moment of wonder; look how far he has come! How many times has he defied the odds? Proven doctors wrong? Made us look for answers until we found them? I can't even count!
Jaxson has been through 12 surgeries and countless sedated procedures. He's been more stable over the last two years since his mechanical valve was placed, and his growth and maturation have blossomed into something beautiful. He's so smart, even if he can't always communicate it, and he is hysterically funny and loves to make jokes. He wants everyone to get along all the time and hates yelling (even at the dogs!). He is running, jumping, riding his tricycle and attempting to beat up his big brother when they play. He's a "normal" 5 year old in almost every aspect!
Does he have hurdles still in front of him? Of course. He has a compromised immune system that will likely land him in the hospital at least once a year in the winter. He has more heart surgeries to come as he grows and his valve needs replaced. He has weekly therapies outside of school, plus what he gets at school, to help combat his Global Delay and get him ready for kindergarten. He may need additional surgeries in the future, something we won't know until we get there.
But for now, Jaxson is healthy. He's stable. He has a ton of appointments, but all of them are follow-ups and not for a new problem. He brings joy to every person he encounters, just by flashing his adorably perfect smile. His new PT marveled to me the other day, it was their first appointment together, that he had made her whole morning. She was smiling and laughing as she brought him back because that spunky personality just makes you laugh!
I have tears, I hoped I wouldn't when writing this, but I do. I just can't get over how far Jaxson has come. Everything he has been through, every battle we've had to fight with him and make sure that he got what he needed, every tear we've shed and every sleepless night we have, it's all worth it. When I see him get off the bus and run to his brother or me or his dad (depends on who gets him off) with a huge smile on his face and a massive hug, I can't imagine anything better.
Jaxson, one day you will read these blogs. I've tried to keep up as best I can, and I know I'm not perfect at it, but I really hope that one day you will see the love you bring to people, and the love that people have for you. I hope you see that while mom was stressed and upset, I still made you and Jeffrey a priority. You are the light of my life, my little monkey. I know God has big things planned for you, and I can't wait to see what else you do to prove people wrong and be the most amazing you there is! <3
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's the way you cope with it that makes the difference."
Remembering those moments is a hard, harsh reminder of everything that Jaxson has been through, and everything that he has yet to endure. But it is also a moment of wonder; look how far he has come! How many times has he defied the odds? Proven doctors wrong? Made us look for answers until we found them? I can't even count!
Jaxson has been through 12 surgeries and countless sedated procedures. He's been more stable over the last two years since his mechanical valve was placed, and his growth and maturation have blossomed into something beautiful. He's so smart, even if he can't always communicate it, and he is hysterically funny and loves to make jokes. He wants everyone to get along all the time and hates yelling (even at the dogs!). He is running, jumping, riding his tricycle and attempting to beat up his big brother when they play. He's a "normal" 5 year old in almost every aspect!
Does he have hurdles still in front of him? Of course. He has a compromised immune system that will likely land him in the hospital at least once a year in the winter. He has more heart surgeries to come as he grows and his valve needs replaced. He has weekly therapies outside of school, plus what he gets at school, to help combat his Global Delay and get him ready for kindergarten. He may need additional surgeries in the future, something we won't know until we get there.
But for now, Jaxson is healthy. He's stable. He has a ton of appointments, but all of them are follow-ups and not for a new problem. He brings joy to every person he encounters, just by flashing his adorably perfect smile. His new PT marveled to me the other day, it was their first appointment together, that he had made her whole morning. She was smiling and laughing as she brought him back because that spunky personality just makes you laugh!
I have tears, I hoped I wouldn't when writing this, but I do. I just can't get over how far Jaxson has come. Everything he has been through, every battle we've had to fight with him and make sure that he got what he needed, every tear we've shed and every sleepless night we have, it's all worth it. When I see him get off the bus and run to his brother or me or his dad (depends on who gets him off) with a huge smile on his face and a massive hug, I can't imagine anything better.
Jaxson, one day you will read these blogs. I've tried to keep up as best I can, and I know I'm not perfect at it, but I really hope that one day you will see the love you bring to people, and the love that people have for you. I hope you see that while mom was stressed and upset, I still made you and Jeffrey a priority. You are the light of my life, my little monkey. I know God has big things planned for you, and I can't wait to see what else you do to prove people wrong and be the most amazing you there is! <3
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's the way you cope with it that makes the difference."
Friday, December 16, 2016
A Not-So-Friendly Reminder
Jaxson had his 12th surgery on December 5, 2015. It was his second open-heart surgery, the one where they placed his mechanical mitral valve. We spent three weeks in the hospital last year, but were lucky enough to make it home three days before Christmas. Jaxson's first Christmas was spent at the hospital when he had RSV at 5 months of age. He was discharged on Christmas day. I had to go back and look, but his second Christmas was spent at home. Only that year we were struggling so bad that the kids barely got anything from us. We did get donations that year, though, and the kids still had a good Christmas. It might not be Christmas yet this year, but it's pretty damn close. And here we are at the hospital once again with a case of RSV.
RSV is a respiratory virus that can cause bronchiolitis or pneumonia in children who have heart and lung disorders. In typical kids, it's a cold that requires monitoring and comfort as it mimics a common cold, but nothing more. In kids like Jax, it can be deadly. Most kids get it before the age of 1, but only a few who get it will get it again. This is Jaxson's second round with it, at an age it doesn't normally happen. On top of that, he has angiodysplasia of the colon (meaning the capillary blood vessels are weak and break easily) which causes bloody stool. Combine that with a high INR and now he has low iron. All of his other levels seem to be okay for the moment, but they are checking him regularly to make sure nothing drastically changes.
And thus is the ugliness of Kabuki Syndrome rearing it's even uglier head. Respiratory problems are common, and while Kabuki itself does not cause premature death, the problems it causes can. Like intense respiratory infections and viruses that don't respond to treatment, or take a really long time to do so. And here I thought Jaxson was going to be relatively "typical" from this point forward. I guess the joke is on me for putting on rose-colored glasses after a year with no admissions. (There was actually one, but it was only one night and it was to keep him hydrated for a procedure.)
So now that I've been brought back down to Earth, I have been doing some research on RSV and all of his other stuff. Nothing noteworthy yet, I haven't found anything that I didn't already know. But I do know that we won't be getting out of here today. And here I thought we were out of the woods. I forget that when you have a child with CHD who is also prone to respiratory problems, you are never out of the woods. Every illness is alarming. Every hospitalization has its own problems. Even if it's an illness that's happened before, this one will be different. It's an ever-changing thing because kids grow and change, their hormones and antibodies and bloodwork levels change. The way they react to treatment changes. It's an ongoing battle of figuring out what the problem is and how to tackle it in the most effective manner.
It is clear that winter is going to be a rough time for the rest of our lives. Keeping Jaxson healthy and out of the hospital has been near impossible over the last four years, with the exception of this past year, and I don't see it changing anytime soon.
The thing is, while worrying about Jaxson is always in the back of my head, in times like this I always worry about Jeffrey too. He's so worried about his brother, and because of flu restrictions, he can't come up and visit because he's too young. Both of them are cranky about it. And Jeffrey misses me, and I miss him. He gets shafted on so many things, we decided to take him to Chuck E. Cheese for his birthday last weekend. And then Jax gets sick. And Jeffrey loses out on doing certain things. We always try to keep it as normal as possible, but it's never normal when Jax isn't around. For instance, tomorrow the boys were supposed to go to the school where my dad works to play games and see Santa. Jaxson will not get to go now, but Jeffrey will. Only he won't have as much fun because Jax won't be there and he'll spend the whole time thinking about his brother. On Sunday, I had scheduled a private visit with Santa so we could get some decent pictures without the crowds. Not sure if Jax will make it for that either. I honestly don't think Jaxson has any photos with Santa yet, and he's 4. But Jeffrey will not like going on Sunday without Jaxson either and it's likely that he'll ask Santa for something for Jax. It just breaks my heart.
For now, I hope the doctors get to us soon so we can find out what's going on and what the plan is. I know we'll be here at least one more night, but I'm not sure if they have concerns over anything else yet. I pray we can go home tomorrow, or maybe even Sunday before photos. Please pray for the same with me.
RSV is a respiratory virus that can cause bronchiolitis or pneumonia in children who have heart and lung disorders. In typical kids, it's a cold that requires monitoring and comfort as it mimics a common cold, but nothing more. In kids like Jax, it can be deadly. Most kids get it before the age of 1, but only a few who get it will get it again. This is Jaxson's second round with it, at an age it doesn't normally happen. On top of that, he has angiodysplasia of the colon (meaning the capillary blood vessels are weak and break easily) which causes bloody stool. Combine that with a high INR and now he has low iron. All of his other levels seem to be okay for the moment, but they are checking him regularly to make sure nothing drastically changes.
And thus is the ugliness of Kabuki Syndrome rearing it's even uglier head. Respiratory problems are common, and while Kabuki itself does not cause premature death, the problems it causes can. Like intense respiratory infections and viruses that don't respond to treatment, or take a really long time to do so. And here I thought Jaxson was going to be relatively "typical" from this point forward. I guess the joke is on me for putting on rose-colored glasses after a year with no admissions. (There was actually one, but it was only one night and it was to keep him hydrated for a procedure.)
So now that I've been brought back down to Earth, I have been doing some research on RSV and all of his other stuff. Nothing noteworthy yet, I haven't found anything that I didn't already know. But I do know that we won't be getting out of here today. And here I thought we were out of the woods. I forget that when you have a child with CHD who is also prone to respiratory problems, you are never out of the woods. Every illness is alarming. Every hospitalization has its own problems. Even if it's an illness that's happened before, this one will be different. It's an ever-changing thing because kids grow and change, their hormones and antibodies and bloodwork levels change. The way they react to treatment changes. It's an ongoing battle of figuring out what the problem is and how to tackle it in the most effective manner.
It is clear that winter is going to be a rough time for the rest of our lives. Keeping Jaxson healthy and out of the hospital has been near impossible over the last four years, with the exception of this past year, and I don't see it changing anytime soon.
The thing is, while worrying about Jaxson is always in the back of my head, in times like this I always worry about Jeffrey too. He's so worried about his brother, and because of flu restrictions, he can't come up and visit because he's too young. Both of them are cranky about it. And Jeffrey misses me, and I miss him. He gets shafted on so many things, we decided to take him to Chuck E. Cheese for his birthday last weekend. And then Jax gets sick. And Jeffrey loses out on doing certain things. We always try to keep it as normal as possible, but it's never normal when Jax isn't around. For instance, tomorrow the boys were supposed to go to the school where my dad works to play games and see Santa. Jaxson will not get to go now, but Jeffrey will. Only he won't have as much fun because Jax won't be there and he'll spend the whole time thinking about his brother. On Sunday, I had scheduled a private visit with Santa so we could get some decent pictures without the crowds. Not sure if Jax will make it for that either. I honestly don't think Jaxson has any photos with Santa yet, and he's 4. But Jeffrey will not like going on Sunday without Jaxson either and it's likely that he'll ask Santa for something for Jax. It just breaks my heart.
For now, I hope the doctors get to us soon so we can find out what's going on and what the plan is. I know we'll be here at least one more night, but I'm not sure if they have concerns over anything else yet. I pray we can go home tomorrow, or maybe even Sunday before photos. Please pray for the same with me.
Friday, April 8, 2016
More About Milestones, Update on Progress
I know I've been talking about milestones a lot recently, but it's because Jaxson is doing better than he ever has in his life. Which means that he's surpassing milestones at a much faster pace than before, which is amazing to watch! There will be an album of photos uploaded with this blog because there's just so much to share!
Jax managed to have all three of his home-based appointments this week! That one's amazing because there's always something coming up. But he did, and at each appointment he impressed me with things he was able to do and understand.
On Monday, Miss Jennifer came over for speech. Jax worked on putting things in order, recognizing an action from a picture, using his words to get what he wants, and recognizing facial expressions. Seriously, he did fabulous! Putting pictures of an action in order is a hard thing, and he didn't get them all, but got more than I thought he would. He used his words much more appropriately, recognized several actions from pictures and started to understand the difference between a smile and a frown. He had a speech appointment on Thursday at NCH as well, and with Miss Mary Jax started referring to himself as "me" or "I" instead of "Jaxson" in the third person. He also recognized more farm animals!
Yesterday, OT came to the house to work with Jax and play. He did some coloring, he recognized that Elmo was jumping in his picture, he stacked items with ease and had no trouble with the wooden puzzle Miss Dara brought. We also practiced throwing and catching, which is going to take some work with his awful balance and coordination!
Today, Miss Kathy came over to work on communication and social skills. Jaxson successfully clipped several frogs to their matching color on a piece of paper, matched shapes drawn on clothespins in a similar task, was not interested in coloring at all, and he worked more on recognizing an action in a photo, matching toy items with what was happening in a book, and flipping frogs into a bowl. There's a video of him flipping the frogs, which I took because it's seriously amazing. I don't know if I ever thought he'd be able to do something like that, it's totally not easy even for a typical kid, but he tackled it first with his finger and did even better with his thumb.
Jaxson impresses me all the time. He is so independent and wants to do everything that we do, even eat when he's feeling well. Not meals or anything, but a few nibbles here and there. Something is better than nothing! He is full of life and love and energy and spunk and an ornery grin to get him out of serious trouble! He's amazingly perfect and doing so many things we once couldn't even consider. I mean, when he was born, the doctors didn't know how long he'd live, let alone what kind of life he would have. Now look at him. Vibrant and strong, a warrior to the bone who continues to defy all odds and win battles he could have easily lost.
Our family is on the rise, finally. Four years of hard work, patience, scraping by and barely getting out of bed in the morning have given way to a much more relaxing life. There are still a ton of concerns with Jax, lots of things we are watching and communicating with doctors about. But there's so much to celebrate, I don't want to talk about the rest. Jax is happy, he's as healthy as he's going to get and always and forever my little lover boy cuddlebug. :)
~Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's how you cope with it that makes the difference. -Unknown
Jax managed to have all three of his home-based appointments this week! That one's amazing because there's always something coming up. But he did, and at each appointment he impressed me with things he was able to do and understand.
On Monday, Miss Jennifer came over for speech. Jax worked on putting things in order, recognizing an action from a picture, using his words to get what he wants, and recognizing facial expressions. Seriously, he did fabulous! Putting pictures of an action in order is a hard thing, and he didn't get them all, but got more than I thought he would. He used his words much more appropriately, recognized several actions from pictures and started to understand the difference between a smile and a frown. He had a speech appointment on Thursday at NCH as well, and with Miss Mary Jax started referring to himself as "me" or "I" instead of "Jaxson" in the third person. He also recognized more farm animals!
Yesterday, OT came to the house to work with Jax and play. He did some coloring, he recognized that Elmo was jumping in his picture, he stacked items with ease and had no trouble with the wooden puzzle Miss Dara brought. We also practiced throwing and catching, which is going to take some work with his awful balance and coordination!
Today, Miss Kathy came over to work on communication and social skills. Jaxson successfully clipped several frogs to their matching color on a piece of paper, matched shapes drawn on clothespins in a similar task, was not interested in coloring at all, and he worked more on recognizing an action in a photo, matching toy items with what was happening in a book, and flipping frogs into a bowl. There's a video of him flipping the frogs, which I took because it's seriously amazing. I don't know if I ever thought he'd be able to do something like that, it's totally not easy even for a typical kid, but he tackled it first with his finger and did even better with his thumb.
Jaxson impresses me all the time. He is so independent and wants to do everything that we do, even eat when he's feeling well. Not meals or anything, but a few nibbles here and there. Something is better than nothing! He is full of life and love and energy and spunk and an ornery grin to get him out of serious trouble! He's amazingly perfect and doing so many things we once couldn't even consider. I mean, when he was born, the doctors didn't know how long he'd live, let alone what kind of life he would have. Now look at him. Vibrant and strong, a warrior to the bone who continues to defy all odds and win battles he could have easily lost.
Our family is on the rise, finally. Four years of hard work, patience, scraping by and barely getting out of bed in the morning have given way to a much more relaxing life. There are still a ton of concerns with Jax, lots of things we are watching and communicating with doctors about. But there's so much to celebrate, I don't want to talk about the rest. Jax is happy, he's as healthy as he's going to get and always and forever my little lover boy cuddlebug. :)
~Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's how you cope with it that makes the difference. -Unknown
Monday, March 28, 2016
Every Milestone Makes a Difference
I can't believe it's been so long since I've updated the blog. Things have been so busy recently, I've been working, Jayson has been working, Jeffery is doing well at school academically but hates going (which I think is weird for a first grader) and Jax had has his usual slew of appointments. But that's not what this post is about. This post is about an accumulation of baby steps amounting into something tangible measurable, a realization I came to during our very busy Easter weekend.
Jeffrey did not have school on Friday and Jayson didn't have to work because it was Good Friday, so when it came time for me to work in the afternoon, Jayson took the boys to visit his mom and Jeffrey spent the night. He was picked up pretty early on Saturday because we went to an Easter Egg hunt at a park in my parent's neighborhood. We were there for HOURS! It was a blast. Then we went home for a few, I had some errands to run for Sunday, and then I came back to get the boys. I took them to pick up my parents from the airport (they spent the week before in Ireland!), so of course we stayed to visit for awhile. The boys didn't go to bed until really late, and I had to wait until they were out to do their Easter stuff. Easter morning was a sleepy one, but when Jeffrey finally got out of bed, the boys got to see their baskets (giant surprise eggs I made using items from Dollar Tree), and when it warmed up we went outside. We didn't go anywhere yesterday, but we played outside most of the day. Although, I did get a nap too, thanks to Jayson!
I wanted to let everyone know what we did before I elaborated on milestones. You can see it was a busy weekend, and both boys are pretty worn down today, which is great since I'm not feeling well! Must have picked up a stomach bug at the park haha.
So, let's backtrack a little. Thinking back to when Jaxson was born, we had no clue what the extent of his disability would be. The doctors didn't even know if he would survive or for how long or anything. He had no diagnosis, so no prognosis. We were thrown into a world we were unfamiliar with, one which was terrifying and gratifying all at the same time. We knew we'd have lots of specialists, but our biggest concern was making sure Jax would be as normal as possible. So we started OT/PT and Speech early in his life. Weekly and bi-weekly appointments for the last four years (going back to the end of my pregnancy), plus specialist visits and countless tests has been exhausting. But watching Jaxson this weekend, I realized that every little hurdle and obstacle we endured were absolutely worth it.
I get a little sad watching Jaxson on the playground sometimes. Especially when there's a lot of kids, and this weekend there were a LOT of kids. Excited kids who are just kids. Jaxson can't keep up with them. He can't climb like they can, he's terrified to try the slide by himself around a lot of people, and he gets brushed to the side, passed by pushy kids trying to get to the slides, and sometimes he just stops to let all the other kids go before he keeps trying. It breaks my heart to see this. But yesterday Jaxson taught me something. He taught me that he has more determination and drive than I realized.
Take a look at this picture:
Jayson found a plank of wood and put it diagonal from the driveway to the yard because there's a huge gap between it and the ground. Jaxson was scared of it at first and wouldn't try, but all I had to do was help him once. Once. Then he was off, walking up and down the ramp, chasing Jeffrey and even tripping a few times with no tears. He would just get up and go again!
This is so different than how things used to be. You're looking at a kid who is terrified to use steps he doesn't know, doesn't want to climb on things without someone close by and has very little confidence in his capabilities. We try constantly to have him do as much as he is willing to do by himself, but it's not always much no matter how hard we push.
So Jaxson really recognized that he was different this weekend, noticed that he couldn't keep up, and he didn't like it. He won't work on those skills anywhere outside of his comfort zone, so this ramp is a big step in him gaining confidence in himself. And he wouldn't even be where he is without all of the ridiculous nonsense he's been through. PT, OT, Speech, surgeries, meds, hospital stays, all of it. Every little step, as tiny as sitting up on his knees for five seconds without help, has contributed to where he is. And he is amazing!
Noticing this on Easter I think had a more profound impact on me than it would have on any other day. Easter is about celebrating Christ forgiving our sins, which goes hand in hand with starting over and having a new beginning. Jax got his new beginning in December when they replaced his mitral valve during his second open-heart surgery. It's taken some time for him to get back to normal, and his normal is definitely not what it used to be! He's highly energetic and rotten and smart and funny and caring and a huge lover. He's independent as much as he can be, and gets mad when you try to help him before he's ready. I don't know where he gets that ;)
So this will be a new beginning for all of us. A new beginning as a family that can finally do things together without as much worry. Taking Jax to the park on a day like Saturday even six months ago would have meant a hospital stay with a respiratory issue gone out of control. Not now. He may get a runny nose or sneeze or even get a little cold, but it's not an automatic stay anymore. We still have to be very careful because of his heart, he is still more susceptible to illness, but we can relax a little and take him out of the house with more ease now. Which means plenty more trips to the park, COSI, the zoo, wherever I feel like taking them this summer!
So, for mom's out there who are dealing with the beginning stages of this journey, please know that every step is rewarding in it's own way. Every step is a learning experience, every milestone a celebration, every corner turned a relief. Jaxson still has many problems and I still have to watch him like a hawk, but his physical ability is far greater than we every thought it would be. And when that hits you like a ton of bricks on Easter, it's pretty deep.
~"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's how you cope with it that makes the difference." -Anonymous
Sunday, December 20, 2015
No Matter What, Be Thankful
Today I am sitting in the hospital for the 17th straight day/night. It's Jaxson's longest stay since he was in the NICU for 45 days right after he was born. Everyone wants to know if he's going to be home for Christmas, and I don't have an answer. What I want to say is that he should be, he should be out in a couple of days. But it's Jax, and using terms like "should" and "normally" do not apply. This is the kid who saw his INR spike up to 8.8, then plummet, and now we're back up to the dose that put him at 8.8 and he's not even at 2. Let that sink in before you read too much more because that is life with Jaxson. He doesn't tell us his rules, he just does what he does.
So as I sit here contemplating having him spend his second of four Christmases in the hospital, I get a painful reminder of how thankful I need to be.
Thankful? Yes, you read that right. We may spend a lot of time at the hospital, Jax may have had 12 surgeries (and counting), and we may not know when we get to go home again, but one thing I can tell you is certain: We WILL go home. I may not have been able to say that a few days ago, but I can now. I know we will go home, and even if he doesn't get to come home for Christmas, he will still be here on this earth.
As the mom of a special needs baby/child, you make connections with other moms just like you. Usually you find moms that deal with similar issues as you, but that's not always the case and sometimes that's nice too. Right now, there are two groups of moms I feel most connected to: Congenital Heart Disease moms and Kabuki moms. And sometimes those moms are both.
A CHD mom knows the struggle of seeing your child turn colors, have no energy, struggle to breathe, sweat way too much, and have to give meds that are usually saved for the elderly. A Kabuki mom knows the struggle of sensory issues, feeding therapy, developmental delay, behavior problems and a slew of other things. And, again, sometimes the two overlap.
One thing that overlaps is something no one wants to think about, let alone talk about, and that is losing your child to the disease that ravages their body. I have mom friends on both sides who have lost children and babies to both diseases. And you know what? They would trade places with me in a heartbeat. I know they would because if the roles were reversed, I would.
Every mom is an advocate for her child. If your child is hit by a drunk driver or someone texting and driving and they become severely disabled or worse, you become an advocate for education and law reform in those areas. The same applies for medical disabilities. You become an advocate for your child, you are their voice to be heard and you will not let your voice fall on deaf ears. I've been here over two weeks and contacted a patient liaison because I couldn't get through to the doctors. I'm pretty independent and stubborn, asking for help is not something I do well or easily. But moms need help too, and moms can only do so much. And what our babies really need when they're sick is for mom to be there to comfort them. How can I do that if my head is constantly aswirl with things I feel I need to handle? So I asked for help, and I'm glad I did. I have been able to relax and enjoy this weekend with my son.
Which brings me back to the point. My son is here. I can physically see him, touch him, kiss his cheeks, ruffle his hair, hear him laugh, hear him cry, watch his personality grow, yell at him when he doesn't listen, cuddle him when he cries. There are so many parents out there who not only have to spend this holiday without their precious baby(s), but many who suffered the loss during this time of year.It's painfully heartbreaking to see people I love grieve so hard. And if it's painful for me, I can't imagine what it must feel like for them.
So, those of you who are in these shoes, you know who you are. Know that you are loved, you are prayed for, you are thought of. Not just by me, although I do include myself, but your families love you and need you in their lives. Moms like me need you to share your experiences, help us learn things we haven't come across yet, teach us what it really means to be a warrior's mom. Because, like the warrior''s of old, our tiny warriors don't always make it home either. They say it takes a village to raise a child. It also takes a village to keep the mother of a warrior in one piece when needed.
However you choose to remember those lost too soon, make sure you do it before Christmas this year. Light a candle. Let go of a balloon. Write on a rock and throw it in the river. Tie a ribbon around your car antenna or telephone poles in your area. Pass out flyers. Give out bracelets. Whatever it is that you do, be sure to do it this week. The moms of these amazing human beings that were taken cannot do this on their own and it is our job to make sure they don't have to.
So tonight I am thankful. Thankful for my own life and health, and thankful that, at least for now, Jaxson is still with us and will eventually come home. Thankful that his brother is a happy and healthy 7 year old with more energy than any 25 people I know. Thankful that I have a husband who loves me, step-sons that respect me, a job that allows me to stay by Jaxson's side and a support system of family and friends that come to the rescue whenever we need it. I will not be sad if Jax can't come home this week. Okay, maybe a little. But I will be thankful that I have him, for however long God decides, he is mine. Cherish your loved ones, tell them you love them often. Don't get caught up in "things". Enjoy your kids for who they are and who they will become. They are all amazing, regardless of ability.
So as I sit here contemplating having him spend his second of four Christmases in the hospital, I get a painful reminder of how thankful I need to be.
Thankful? Yes, you read that right. We may spend a lot of time at the hospital, Jax may have had 12 surgeries (and counting), and we may not know when we get to go home again, but one thing I can tell you is certain: We WILL go home. I may not have been able to say that a few days ago, but I can now. I know we will go home, and even if he doesn't get to come home for Christmas, he will still be here on this earth.
As the mom of a special needs baby/child, you make connections with other moms just like you. Usually you find moms that deal with similar issues as you, but that's not always the case and sometimes that's nice too. Right now, there are two groups of moms I feel most connected to: Congenital Heart Disease moms and Kabuki moms. And sometimes those moms are both.
A CHD mom knows the struggle of seeing your child turn colors, have no energy, struggle to breathe, sweat way too much, and have to give meds that are usually saved for the elderly. A Kabuki mom knows the struggle of sensory issues, feeding therapy, developmental delay, behavior problems and a slew of other things. And, again, sometimes the two overlap.
One thing that overlaps is something no one wants to think about, let alone talk about, and that is losing your child to the disease that ravages their body. I have mom friends on both sides who have lost children and babies to both diseases. And you know what? They would trade places with me in a heartbeat. I know they would because if the roles were reversed, I would.
Every mom is an advocate for her child. If your child is hit by a drunk driver or someone texting and driving and they become severely disabled or worse, you become an advocate for education and law reform in those areas. The same applies for medical disabilities. You become an advocate for your child, you are their voice to be heard and you will not let your voice fall on deaf ears. I've been here over two weeks and contacted a patient liaison because I couldn't get through to the doctors. I'm pretty independent and stubborn, asking for help is not something I do well or easily. But moms need help too, and moms can only do so much. And what our babies really need when they're sick is for mom to be there to comfort them. How can I do that if my head is constantly aswirl with things I feel I need to handle? So I asked for help, and I'm glad I did. I have been able to relax and enjoy this weekend with my son.
Which brings me back to the point. My son is here. I can physically see him, touch him, kiss his cheeks, ruffle his hair, hear him laugh, hear him cry, watch his personality grow, yell at him when he doesn't listen, cuddle him when he cries. There are so many parents out there who not only have to spend this holiday without their precious baby(s), but many who suffered the loss during this time of year.It's painfully heartbreaking to see people I love grieve so hard. And if it's painful for me, I can't imagine what it must feel like for them.
So, those of you who are in these shoes, you know who you are. Know that you are loved, you are prayed for, you are thought of. Not just by me, although I do include myself, but your families love you and need you in their lives. Moms like me need you to share your experiences, help us learn things we haven't come across yet, teach us what it really means to be a warrior's mom. Because, like the warrior''s of old, our tiny warriors don't always make it home either. They say it takes a village to raise a child. It also takes a village to keep the mother of a warrior in one piece when needed.
However you choose to remember those lost too soon, make sure you do it before Christmas this year. Light a candle. Let go of a balloon. Write on a rock and throw it in the river. Tie a ribbon around your car antenna or telephone poles in your area. Pass out flyers. Give out bracelets. Whatever it is that you do, be sure to do it this week. The moms of these amazing human beings that were taken cannot do this on their own and it is our job to make sure they don't have to.
So tonight I am thankful. Thankful for my own life and health, and thankful that, at least for now, Jaxson is still with us and will eventually come home. Thankful that his brother is a happy and healthy 7 year old with more energy than any 25 people I know. Thankful that I have a husband who loves me, step-sons that respect me, a job that allows me to stay by Jaxson's side and a support system of family and friends that come to the rescue whenever we need it. I will not be sad if Jax can't come home this week. Okay, maybe a little. But I will be thankful that I have him, for however long God decides, he is mine. Cherish your loved ones, tell them you love them often. Don't get caught up in "things". Enjoy your kids for who they are and who they will become. They are all amazing, regardless of ability.
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Jaxson's Heart Cath
The first thing you should know about Jaxson's heart cath on Friday is that this is a VERY rare case. Dr. Berman was very informative today at our appointment, and he said that if we knew a doctor who said that it wasn't rare, he wanted to meet him haha. Most mitral valves get ballooned after damage from rheumatic fever. Doing a balloon after a repair is rare, and having his mitral valve repaired at his age is also pretty rare. The goal of this procedure is to buy Jaxson time to get a little bigger before he has to have his mitral valve completely replaced.
That said, Dr. Berman and the other two cath doctors are taking a very conservative approach to this. Dr. Cheatham is the head of the cath lab, and he has developed new balloons for cath's that are now used all over the world. He is literally at the top of the field, and he hand-picked Dr. Berman and the other cath doctor whose name I can't remember. All three of them will be in on Jaxson's procedure, and Dr. McConnell is the surgeon on call if anything were to go wrong and immediate surgery is needed.
Jaxson's case isn't just rare, it's extremely complicated. They will run a cath through his femoral artery in his thigh and they will also have a transesophogeal echo camera in place while they do the cath as well. Before they attempt to balloon anything, they will run the cath through the arteries in his heart to measure the pressure inside his heart and lungs. This will establish a baseline for them to know if something isn't working well or is causing a problem during the procedure. They will use contrast dye to help clear up the pictures from the TEE scope, which will enable precise movement of the cath inside the heart. Once that is done, they will start with the smallest balloon available to see if they can open the valve. If that is successful, they will move to the next size and so on.
There are a few major risks that have to be considered during this procedure. One is that they are assuming Jaxson has at least moderate pulmonary hypertension, if not severe. That means the pressure in his lungs is really high, and if something causes additional pressure that the heart can't handle, it could cause problems. Stroke is one, and so is death. The risk of these two is minimal, but Jax is at a higher risk because of the pressure. They do not anticipate either of these presenting, but it is something we have to keep in mind. Another risk is that with part of the cath, they use a needle to poke through a certain wall in the heart to get access to the upper chambers, so when they do that it could cause a puncture of the heart or a major blood vessel that would require immediate surgery. Again, not something anticipated, but something to bear in mind. It could also be that he has a septal defect not seen on previous scans, in which case the needle used to go through that wall would slide through that hole instead of creating a new one. Septal defects (hole in the heart) are common with Kabuki, so it's a definite possibility even though we haven't seen it before.
Those are just the cath risks, the things that could happen based on a cath being inserted into the heart to gather information.
Once they are through with the first part, then they will attempt to balloon the valve. Again taking a conservative approach, starting with the smallest balloon and working up. When the balloon is attempted, even with the small one, it could cause leakage from the valve into the heart. Some amount of leakage is an acceptable trade-off that can be lived with until the valve is replaced. If it's a big leak, it's straight to the OR. There is risk of a tear or rupture of a heart vessel that could require surgery, risk of weakening of the vessel wall leading to aneurysm, and risk of damage to the leg artery or vein where the cath is inserted. There is a slight risk of the balloon breaking and not coming out through the cath properly, which would require surgical intervention but usually at the insertion site and not the heart.
There are so many things we have to be aware of and that the doctors are looking for and paying attention to in the lab. I think their approach is a good one, and I also believe that they will not take any chances on causing a leak. If they pull the balloon out and the mitral muscles do not stay open as they should, it's considered a complete fail. At that point we would be looking at replacing the valve as our next step, although I do not think it would result in emergency surgery.
The doctors have requested that we be admitted on Thursday night so that Jax can be on IV fluids while he's not allowed to eat. Keeping him hydrated plays a factor in the success of the cath, so we agreed and will be going in sometime Thursday evening. After the procedure, Jax will go to the PICU for recovery. Depending on the pressure in his lungs, the breathing tube may or may not be removed at that time. They could potentially want him to keep it in for a day and be monitored in ICU, or if he does well they will remove it and we'll go to a regular room for the night. A cath procedure is typically a one-night stay, but Dr. Berman did say that we should be prepared for a weekend stay. It's something we have already prepared ourselves for, but hopefully Jaxson proves the doctors wrong as he has done on so many occasions and we will have a "normal" experience.
There is nothing normal about this procedure, though. It's one of those things that no one knows what's going to happen until they get in there. And it would have been the same in Boston. Jaxson continues to live in the gray-area that doctor's can't pinpoint how successful the procedure will be. They will measure the pressure in his heart and lungs after each balloon, so they will know pretty quickly if it's going to work. We do not know how long it will take to complete this procedure because the doctors are going to take their time and do everything in their power to minimize the risks.
If this works, it will be a miracle in my opinion. I'm already mentally prepared for them to have to rush him to emergency surgery because it's not working like it's supposed to. I really, really hope I'm wrong, but I'd rather be prepared than not. We will get updates via the EASE app again, which is nice, and they will call if anything crazy happens. My personal best case scenario is that the cath works. Period. It doesn't matter to me how long it lasts, just give the kid some time before he has to be put through another surgery. The worst-case scenario is emergency valve replacement, at least in my head. Obviously we worry about the other risks of stroke and death, but I honestly feel so comfortable with the approach that I don't really consider those as options that could happen. And, it's just too hard to go there. Do we know it's a possibility? Of course, but it's such a rare thing to have happen in any case that I think they'll be able to prevent major risks by being cautious.
We have had an immensely busy couple of weeks and it doesn't look to slow down any time soon. We've successfully moved everything from the old house to the new one, although there is some major work to do unpacking. Jax has appointments all week, I have an appt on Thursday, I met with Jeffrey's school counselor this morning, Jax's cath is Friday and Jeffrey's birthday is Monday. Then there's Grandma Julie's birthday and Christmas and New Year's. And if we're lucky, we'll manage to stay out of the hospital for the holidays, although Jax does love to be there on holiday's. Any holiday!
Right now, there are only a few things you can do to support us. One is PRAY! That's the biggest. Pray for the doctors and Jaxson, pray for Jeffrey to have understanding and not throw crazy fits, pray for Jayson and I to make it through this with our sanity intact and pray for the best possible outcome of this. Another thing you can do is help us replace some of the things we were unable to bring to the new house. For example, our fridge had to be left because it was in too bad of shape to bring. After living with bugs for 18 months, it was too gross to even clean. We also need a toaster (had to be left) an oven (we didn't have one), a bed frame and mattress for Jeffrey (he's been sleeping on a futon mattress, poor kid) and there's birthday's and Christmas coming. We were able to pick up another couch and a desk thanks to a good friend of mine, but we have to rent a truck to go get it and there's a lot more house to fill than there was before. We'd like to replace our dishes, silverware, etc. and things that we brought here out of necessity but really need to go. Finances are always tight during the holidays and hospital stays, and we have both this month. We feel like we finally caught a break in that area and want to keep it that way!
Thank you to everyone for your continued support and prayers. I feel like I say that all the time, but there is no better way to say it. We could not do this without all of you! We firmly believe in the power of prayer, and a lot of our prayers have been answered recently. We feel very blessed and extremely lucky to have such an amazing support group! Thank you just never seems like enough. We love you all!
That said, Dr. Berman and the other two cath doctors are taking a very conservative approach to this. Dr. Cheatham is the head of the cath lab, and he has developed new balloons for cath's that are now used all over the world. He is literally at the top of the field, and he hand-picked Dr. Berman and the other cath doctor whose name I can't remember. All three of them will be in on Jaxson's procedure, and Dr. McConnell is the surgeon on call if anything were to go wrong and immediate surgery is needed.
Jaxson's case isn't just rare, it's extremely complicated. They will run a cath through his femoral artery in his thigh and they will also have a transesophogeal echo camera in place while they do the cath as well. Before they attempt to balloon anything, they will run the cath through the arteries in his heart to measure the pressure inside his heart and lungs. This will establish a baseline for them to know if something isn't working well or is causing a problem during the procedure. They will use contrast dye to help clear up the pictures from the TEE scope, which will enable precise movement of the cath inside the heart. Once that is done, they will start with the smallest balloon available to see if they can open the valve. If that is successful, they will move to the next size and so on.
There are a few major risks that have to be considered during this procedure. One is that they are assuming Jaxson has at least moderate pulmonary hypertension, if not severe. That means the pressure in his lungs is really high, and if something causes additional pressure that the heart can't handle, it could cause problems. Stroke is one, and so is death. The risk of these two is minimal, but Jax is at a higher risk because of the pressure. They do not anticipate either of these presenting, but it is something we have to keep in mind. Another risk is that with part of the cath, they use a needle to poke through a certain wall in the heart to get access to the upper chambers, so when they do that it could cause a puncture of the heart or a major blood vessel that would require immediate surgery. Again, not something anticipated, but something to bear in mind. It could also be that he has a septal defect not seen on previous scans, in which case the needle used to go through that wall would slide through that hole instead of creating a new one. Septal defects (hole in the heart) are common with Kabuki, so it's a definite possibility even though we haven't seen it before.
Those are just the cath risks, the things that could happen based on a cath being inserted into the heart to gather information.
Once they are through with the first part, then they will attempt to balloon the valve. Again taking a conservative approach, starting with the smallest balloon and working up. When the balloon is attempted, even with the small one, it could cause leakage from the valve into the heart. Some amount of leakage is an acceptable trade-off that can be lived with until the valve is replaced. If it's a big leak, it's straight to the OR. There is risk of a tear or rupture of a heart vessel that could require surgery, risk of weakening of the vessel wall leading to aneurysm, and risk of damage to the leg artery or vein where the cath is inserted. There is a slight risk of the balloon breaking and not coming out through the cath properly, which would require surgical intervention but usually at the insertion site and not the heart.
There are so many things we have to be aware of and that the doctors are looking for and paying attention to in the lab. I think their approach is a good one, and I also believe that they will not take any chances on causing a leak. If they pull the balloon out and the mitral muscles do not stay open as they should, it's considered a complete fail. At that point we would be looking at replacing the valve as our next step, although I do not think it would result in emergency surgery.
The doctors have requested that we be admitted on Thursday night so that Jax can be on IV fluids while he's not allowed to eat. Keeping him hydrated plays a factor in the success of the cath, so we agreed and will be going in sometime Thursday evening. After the procedure, Jax will go to the PICU for recovery. Depending on the pressure in his lungs, the breathing tube may or may not be removed at that time. They could potentially want him to keep it in for a day and be monitored in ICU, or if he does well they will remove it and we'll go to a regular room for the night. A cath procedure is typically a one-night stay, but Dr. Berman did say that we should be prepared for a weekend stay. It's something we have already prepared ourselves for, but hopefully Jaxson proves the doctors wrong as he has done on so many occasions and we will have a "normal" experience.
There is nothing normal about this procedure, though. It's one of those things that no one knows what's going to happen until they get in there. And it would have been the same in Boston. Jaxson continues to live in the gray-area that doctor's can't pinpoint how successful the procedure will be. They will measure the pressure in his heart and lungs after each balloon, so they will know pretty quickly if it's going to work. We do not know how long it will take to complete this procedure because the doctors are going to take their time and do everything in their power to minimize the risks.
If this works, it will be a miracle in my opinion. I'm already mentally prepared for them to have to rush him to emergency surgery because it's not working like it's supposed to. I really, really hope I'm wrong, but I'd rather be prepared than not. We will get updates via the EASE app again, which is nice, and they will call if anything crazy happens. My personal best case scenario is that the cath works. Period. It doesn't matter to me how long it lasts, just give the kid some time before he has to be put through another surgery. The worst-case scenario is emergency valve replacement, at least in my head. Obviously we worry about the other risks of stroke and death, but I honestly feel so comfortable with the approach that I don't really consider those as options that could happen. And, it's just too hard to go there. Do we know it's a possibility? Of course, but it's such a rare thing to have happen in any case that I think they'll be able to prevent major risks by being cautious.
We have had an immensely busy couple of weeks and it doesn't look to slow down any time soon. We've successfully moved everything from the old house to the new one, although there is some major work to do unpacking. Jax has appointments all week, I have an appt on Thursday, I met with Jeffrey's school counselor this morning, Jax's cath is Friday and Jeffrey's birthday is Monday. Then there's Grandma Julie's birthday and Christmas and New Year's. And if we're lucky, we'll manage to stay out of the hospital for the holidays, although Jax does love to be there on holiday's. Any holiday!
Right now, there are only a few things you can do to support us. One is PRAY! That's the biggest. Pray for the doctors and Jaxson, pray for Jeffrey to have understanding and not throw crazy fits, pray for Jayson and I to make it through this with our sanity intact and pray for the best possible outcome of this. Another thing you can do is help us replace some of the things we were unable to bring to the new house. For example, our fridge had to be left because it was in too bad of shape to bring. After living with bugs for 18 months, it was too gross to even clean. We also need a toaster (had to be left) an oven (we didn't have one), a bed frame and mattress for Jeffrey (he's been sleeping on a futon mattress, poor kid) and there's birthday's and Christmas coming. We were able to pick up another couch and a desk thanks to a good friend of mine, but we have to rent a truck to go get it and there's a lot more house to fill than there was before. We'd like to replace our dishes, silverware, etc. and things that we brought here out of necessity but really need to go. Finances are always tight during the holidays and hospital stays, and we have both this month. We feel like we finally caught a break in that area and want to keep it that way!
Thank you to everyone for your continued support and prayers. I feel like I say that all the time, but there is no better way to say it. We could not do this without all of you! We firmly believe in the power of prayer, and a lot of our prayers have been answered recently. We feel very blessed and extremely lucky to have such an amazing support group! Thank you just never seems like enough. We love you all!
Friday, October 30, 2015
My Older Son is Not "Jaxson's Brother", His Name is Jeffrey and He is Amazing
All too often, siblings of special needs kids go overlooked and underappreciated. These children go through so much, and people don't even realize how strong they are. This week I realized just how much our family has to sacrifice on a daily basis to meet Jaxson's needs. The impact of Kabuki Syndrome on Jeffrey is wildly evident during the holidays.
This week, the final week in October, is typically filled with celebration. Kids bounce off the walls in anticipation of Trick or Treat, parents do their best not to rip out their hair, and it finally feels as if fall has arrived. With fall and the return to school, germs and bacteria are spread in vast arrays all over the country. A typical child will get the cold or whatever bug happens to be ravaging the school, and recover in a short period. Kids with depressed immune systems or who are more susceptible to illness are not so lucky.
Thus is the case with Jaxson. He has not been diagnosed with an immune deficiency yet. I say "yet" because it is possible that he will develop the problem as he gets older, it is very common in Kabuki. Jaxson also has a slew of issues that make it hard for him to fight colds, and a bout of any respiratory problem is bound to land him in the hospital. His mitral valve is causing blood to back up into the right side of his heart and put pressure on his lungs causing them to retain fluid and he has pulmonary hypertension. On top of that, Jaxson has Reactive Airway Disease, which is a step below asthma. He doesn't have attacks, but his airway is extremely sensitive. Nasal and sinus drainage give him major coughing fits, sometimes to the point he gets sick, and his body can't protect his lungs from such drainage properly. So when Jeffrey stayed home for a week with what we thought was a virus, we did our best to keep him away from his brother. Any parent knows how impossible that is.
I knew when Jeffrey got sick that Jax was going to get it and eventually need admitted. I hate being right, but I guess mom's just know their kids. Because of Jaxson getting sick, the boys didn't get to have the celebration we had planned for them. On Sunday, there was a Halloween party for kids with congenital heart disease through Mended Little Hearts of Columbus. We RSVP'd that we would be there, but Sunday was the day Jax was admitted. When we couldn't go to that, Jayson was sweet enough to take Jeffrey to a local event so that he could still have some fun even though he was bummed we missed the party. He and daddy also painted his pumpkin while Jax was in the hospital, Jayson wanted to give Jeffrey a distraction and show him some special attention. He's such a good daddy! But missing out on those things wasn't all. Jaxson could not go Trick or Treating last night because he's still fighting the remnants of the flu, so Jayson took Jeffrey with some friends while Jax and I stayed home. I tried to have him paint his pumpkin, but he wanted nothing to do with it. I know he was upset he didn't get to go, even if he can't voice it. And now today, Jeffrey has his Halloween party at school. Last year I dressed Jax in his costume and we went up to hang out with his class. I told Jeffrey this morning that we wouldn't be able to go, and he just says, "I know," and looks down at his donuts sadly.
Seeing that broke my heart. Jeffrey is such an amazing kid, and he's all too often swept to the side because Jaxson needs extra attention. Jeffrey will be 7 at the beginning of December, and for the last three years he's had to do things separately from his brother, which is unlike anything he's used to seeing. All the other kids he knows get to have regular celebrations and do all kinds of fun things with their families. But he doesn't complain. He gets sad sometimes, and sometimes he acts out, but he's also a 7 year old boy and they just do that. Jeffrey just has an extra reason to behave that way sometimes.
Jeffrey is the most empathetic child I have ever seen. He gets so upset when Jaxson is inpatient, he cannot stand to have the family separated even if we are close by. He's so smart, and silly and wild and crazy and all of the things a 7 year old boy should be. He loves his brother so much and will do anything to help keep him happy! God could not have given us two more perfect children. I want to find a way to show Jeffrey just how much he's loved and appreciated, but it's not easy at his age. Sometimes nothing is enough, and that's normal for a lot of children. So we do our best, but we never feel like it's enough to compensate for everything he's had to go through.
Not only is Jeffrey affected, but Jayson and I are too. I am the one who typically stays with Jax for a variety of reasons, so I miss out on a lot of fun things with Jeffrey. But we do try to take turns, so sometimes it's Jayson that misses out. I had to quit my job and stay home with Jax because of his health issues, and although now I'm working from home, I don't get the breaks I did before. Jayson has had to deal with numerous employers who refused to understand and allow him time off when he needed it (his current job has been great, except for one incident). We do not have the financial means to give our children the things that they want, and sometimes the things that they need. Jayson and I will go without eating if we have to, to make sure that Jeffrey has food and Jaxson has diapers. We live in a not so nice area of town because we can't afford to live anywhere else. Things are on the upswing now, but it's taken a long time to get where we are.
The impact of a medical diagnosis on a child affects everyone in the household. People always say we're so strong and that Jaxson is the toughest kid they know, but let me tell you something. Jeffrey is tougher than Jaxson. He may act like a sensitive, whiny brat at times, but all kids do. Jeffrey has more mental strength than any kid his age should have, and he's learning to control his emotions already which makes me sad. We would love for our boys to have some semblance of normalcy, like a family with "typical" children. We will never have that. Jayson and I, we are fine, we get it and we will do whatever it takes to care for our kids. But Jeffrey deserves so much more.
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