More Worries

Today did not go as planned at all. We were supposed to be going home. Instead we are here for who knows how long. Instead, we have another IV, an infection that is not responding to oral antibiotics, a new infection on the other pin, and the possibility of bigger problems. I am not supposed to be here tonight! I am supposed to be at home with my husband and other son. Why can't Jaxson catch a break? Why can't WE catch a break? It's like when something good happens, Jaxson has to trump it with some crazy problem that the doctors can't figure out, let alone treat. Jaxson has been on antibiotics for four days. His pin is no better and still oozes puss when I clean and distract. His other pin is turning red, and his skin is taking hours to return to it's normal color after I'm done. His refill is fine, so it's not wholly a circulation problem. No one can figure it out. I am terrified to get these test results back. I'm scared that the infection has spread to parts of his body that are vital to life. Like his brain. Or bone. Or blood.

I'm worried that we'll be here for weeks. I am in no way, shape or form prepared for that. I wouldn't begin to know where to start. I can't even think of anything else to say about it. So, for now, I suppose I will sign off. My stomach hurts and I need to get some rest if I'm going to be strong for my baby. Good night.

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it is the way it is. It's the way you cope with it that makes the difference."